07/12/2005 - 10:16 p.m. | put that down. that's the placenta.

Um, here are some things:

Shelly made a crossword puzzle last night for me and Kyle - about the sort of things only me and Kyle would know about. Cute idea, I'll give you, but she didn't quite have the execution down. Clues were misnumbered and written in broken English and in a hilariously large number of cases she did not actually check to see if her answers fit the boxes. "Vince Vaughn" became "Vince Vagonn," and "Negro Joe" had like seven G's and an R in it. Then again, I guess Kyle and I would be the only ones to know to expect that from her too, huh?

I am so mad at Spritz right now. There's this girl in their Spanish class that Shelly also happens to work with, and Kyle was pulling some sneaky shit, trying to flirt with her (Shelly knew of this and approved, by the way) without actually revealing that he knew the same Shelly he did. Anyway, it was going rather well, I'd say, as she was smiling at him at random and even called him hot at some point, but then Spritz goes in for a massive cockblock when he's away and goes, "You know he has a girlfriend, right?" Fuck off, man! None of us has ever done that shit to you, and you of all people should know how easy it would be. When Kyle told me this at the BBQ place tonight, I started freaking out, swearing and maybe I threw a chair, I dunno. "The master of lies wants to fucking cockblock? Because you were getting the attention he thought he deserved? Oh fuck him! Fuck. Him. We could end all of his relationships in about five minutes flat, but we don't! We watch him go out with hot Michelle, fuck Amber hours after Jen has just left, make out with Brytne whenever one of them is feeling lonely, and he pulls this SHIT?! We say nothing, man! And we should! Basic human decency even says we should, but we remain loyal to our friends, and all he does is fuck us! Oh fuck him, man! I'm doing it! I'm calling them right now!!" But I won't. And Kyle won't. And we never will. Because the same thing that makes us not have multiple girlfriends make us not fuck with our friends. And I can only hope that means something in the long run.

Meanwhile, more blackmail:

Kyle Wild is a red-haired dwarven cleric named Maven Holystone.
Jevon Wild is a sexy, olive-skinned lawful evil monk by the name of Esmerelda.
Eric Klink is a some sort of evil necromancer, what the fuck do I know?
Ryan Spritz is a human fighter, specifically a tumbling acrobatic dagger-thrower named Cresus James.

That's leverage enough, my friends! Then again, I am creating the mystical world of swords and sorcery that they will reside in, so I suppose that makes me much, much worse.

Since Missy is coming for nearly a week, Kyle and I are trying to get the word "retard" out of our system before it is too late. Of course, if she walked in during one of our song sessions, things would be much, much worse.

The crumbs were finally getting cleaned off my bed when I somehow tripped on a ripped-open bag of Tostitos and sent them flying everywhere. Back to crummy hell for me.