04/14/2005 - 5:47 p.m. | walker told me i have aids

I'm sick as hell, I guess, but we won't let that get my spirits down! Got my phone back, yes, and though I will be missing a fairly sweet party this Saturday, I will be with my parents, so at least there's forward momentum. And perhaps I pissed Missy off by telling her she couldn't come the next weekend, but I really need some alone time. And by that I mean time with my damn friends and roommates who I have not seen in fecking forever it feels like. I'm a bad, bad boyfriend. Yesterday at work I was gone beyond reason from the illness or the booze or something, but I still managed to name all 50 states and 8 members of the "Full House" cast, so there must be something going on right up there. Then again, this recent bout of superflu and its subsequent hallucinations might explain why somehow during the evening I called "Today Show" movie reviewer hack Gene Shalit, 2 Illinois Supreme Court justices, and some people my mom used to be friends with like 7 years ago.

Have you heard about the superflu? Yeah, they accidentally released this horrible strain of the flu that killed a bunch of people in 1910 or something. Good thing you keep those flu vials lying around, fellas! Never know when it's going to come in handy! "Hey, I'm here to pick up the next round of vaccines..." "Sure, just grab those unlabeled vials in that pile of medical waste over there!"

Also, I somehow just deleted all my free downloaded songs from iTunes. Good one there, ace!

This summer, when Smacko and I both have horrible Manpower temping jobs 40 hours a week, I will be rolling in dough, and I will buy so many prostitutes because, honestly, I really cannot tolerate the idea of saving any money at all, and if I am going to waste money, it will certainly be on prostitutes. Or flying to Vegas to actually buy a prostitute's license. Either/or.

Joy Ride was on F/X today with like 17 alternate endings! I find the hosts of the show rather awkward, though, as the chick is very busty and attractive and the dude is fat and disgusting. That does not sit well with me. We unattractives are supposed to be away from you norms at all times.

I wish I were attractive.