03/25/2004 - 12:38 a.m. | dark metaphor

Still not really in the mood for writing, although it would seem I am ALWAYS in the mood for hacking up huge, bite-sized chunks of phlegm/lung/pancreas/whatever. But I bet you didn't want to hear that. They are the color of vanilla pudding! Meanwhile, m'tumbo (or, as I call him, Dikembe) has gotten into the spirit as well and decided I did not need that last month's worth of food anyway. In the space between Monday and today, I was home and back. I did not make it to the Ted Leo concert, but that is because my silly parents have "work," which I cannot complain about because I would be a "manwhore" otherwise.

Michelle is asking me about my dreams, so I'm discussing my weird appearance of obscure actresses theme. For instance, one of the few mildly sexual dreams I had was when I was at a nude beach with Ming Na (she is on "ER" now and was in the Street Fighter movie, but I mostly knew her from the short-lived NBC sitcom "The Single Guy") like 5 years after I had seen her in anything. And then I just kind of saw her boobs and was like, "Hm." Perhaps she is why I sort of like Asian girls. But not in like the blue hair, gotta fuck every one blah blah blah whatever way. Sometimes they are cute. Just like you can be cute.

While I was home, I reaped the benefits of HBO by watching The Trojan War, starring "Boy Meets World"'s Will Friedle as a boy on a desperate search for a condom... with hilarious results! And Mexicans! And let's not forget rising starlet Jennifer Love Hewitt! FUN FACT! Did you know that they were actually dating at the time this film was made?! My mom did not seem to like this movie at all, but it's just the sort of overly-retarded thing my dad and I can chortle at. And eat lots of corn meal mash because that's the fancy shit I go home for! I slept really late and met my mom for lunch the next day, and she took the afternoon off so we could do... well, more or less nothing, but we attempted! We hit the shitty bargain stores because that is the cool people we are. I got some good Dollar Tree shit that I can guarantee is going to make every party from here on out like seven times better. Somehow this cleverly segued into sportcoat shopping. We found one that fit, but I felt like Ryan Seacrest, and as I've said, that's not right in my mind. In the process of trying to decide what to do, I ended up perching in a Value City cart and trying to propel myself around, which I thought was a good way to kill an afternoon, but not everyone agrees. I want soccer shoes!

I'm sorry, but my mind is wandering to percentages that aren't really important and to my super secret planning thing that I have been planning. Drove back through the rain today (OMG found my Butt Mix Vol. 2!! You have no idea how happy that makes me! I am the master of the lousy mix CD!) Today was my big errand, job hunting day. I have this bad tendency to want to buy something at every place I go before I ask for an application, so they'll be less inclined to be mad at me for bothering them. I am trying to make money, though, not waste it, so the $1.15 box of clearance men's hairdye will just have to wait. I tried a few places around campus, but those were obviously a long shot, so I quickly moved on to the weird local places that I didn't think others would want to try. Apparently ghetto soccer store and the two porn shops (which are CREEPY AS HELL, by the way! scary bikers and... dick-o-rice... and man! I don't trust any place where the countless piles of pornography are the least threatening thing there.) are already more than well-staffed. Darn economy. So, lowering my standards even further, I applied at pretty much any place I stumbled past. See, I think I'm sort of flexible. Maybe I'm wrong. But I am enough of a poseur to be a Hot Topic asshat, and enough of a girl to work at Bath and Body Works. I dunno - I try everywhere because everything has some advantage, whether it be humor (e.g. religious bookstore, assistant manager of Factory Card Outlet), benefits (Expensive stuff at the Buckle being slightly less expensive... or! "All items 90 cents!"), or stuff along the lines of those lame guys in every sitcom who take home ec because they think they will be the only guys in a class full of girls, but then there are so many guys with the same plan that they have their own separate class of just guys!! OH MAN! And I know this is random and suspicious, but I think some places told me they weren't hiring just because I am a guy. Usually I start blaming things on the lesbians, and that makes me feel better. This works in most cases. I am going to try and fill the applications out rapid fire tomorrow and get them all back in... with the possible exception of Toys BACKWARDS R Us because it may very well be the most depressing place on the entire planet. I dunno why. I mean, it tries to be happy and fun, but everyone there just seems so beaten down, and the attempts at whimsy seem more like a mockery. I just get a bad vibe whenever I'm there. I kind of worry that's what my own personalized hell would be like. In other news, I actually visited the Advertising Closet today to officially register. The sad part is, it really is very close to a closet.

Like I said before, I really wanted to get the original Romero zombie trilogy, so yesterday my mom and I hit like every video store in the area trying to find a copy of one of them. We finally stumbled upon Night of the Living Dead, which was good enough for me... except it turned out we did not get the original; we got the 1990 remake. Balls. It was very, very bad. But then, today I got the original and Spritz and I watched, and it was very, very bad itself. At least the remake kept me awake, though. They both had almost the same plot, but the original was so, so slow and dull that I kept falling asleep. I need Plan 9 production values to hold my interest. If you stretch tension out too long, it becomes a nap. I tried to explain to Spritz how I hold an inner monologue with pretty much everything I look at, but I don't think he or the girl in the vicinity liked the idea too much. No IMSA trip :(