02/23/2004 - 1:27 a.m. | at least i'm not tall

Last night when I was at the gas station fighting cancer, I walked out just in time to see two cars pull up outside. A girl got out of the one car and said to her friend in the other, "Stay out here and watch my car, all right?" This was obviously directed at me because I am such a thug weasel. Anyway, more and more I wish I had been carrying a big pad of paper around so that I could just whip out a marker and write, "I'M GOING TO STEAL HER PURSE." But I don't think I could write fast enough for the joke to be effective.

I got up pretty much right in time to waste a third of my day. Kyle's monitor is still smashed, so he and Brytne were going on a little errand trip, and where they be without their precious third wheel? UP THE SHITTER, I should think. We went to Burger King, and I am vaguely aware of eating a Whopper of some sort, but I've sort of been blocking out my consumption periods lately, so I don't remember too much. More importantly, a real life pimp came in to eat. He was dressed entirely in red - suit, shirt, fedora, shoes, everything. I wanted to go up to him and ask if he was indeed a pimp (and if so, how skanky of a 'ho' could I get for ten dollars?), but Kyle and Brytne were against the idea. I dunno - what's the worst that could happen? He kicks my ass? Well, that's just fine and dandy. My ass shall be kicked someday, I'm sure, and I think it would be a lot better having it done by an honest to goodness pimp than some frat idiot who overhears me making fun of his beerslut girlfriend. But who am I to decide?

So we went on our little monitor hunt and quickly hit the Dollar Tree, which really reminded me how much I want to work there this summer. Job hunt begins soon; I'm sure the usual craziness will follow. I finally got to use my $10 gift certificate at Best Buy (although not on a CD I specifically wanted, the 2 CD Phantom Planet thing I got turns out to be really cute), and then I made Kyle put the points for his monitor on my little card or whatever, thus continuing the cycle of free stuff for less. Uh-huh. Kyle got his monitor for only $100 (80 after rebate), but you couldn't even tell. It says right on the box that it's "perfect for 3D games, DVD movies, and TV entertainments." SOLD! And I can't stop giggling about the entertainments part. Went to Wal-mart for reasons I don't remember exactly. Being a curious guy (some might say bi-curious, but we try to ignore their jibes), I wanted to see this new perfect match makeup they invented. Turns out there is a slight flaw in their plans: While the colors are perfect matches, um, they are matches to colors that don't exist on people. Kyle regarding this particular Wal-mart: "It's like being in a Taco Bell." And no, not a plus.

I spent a good, dunno, four or five hours working on my lab report after that. It's weird - I guess because I have so little work, I don't mind it too much when I actually have a little project to work on. It was fun. I sat in here and drank my juice and typed and listened to cute background music. OK, now I hate to make recommendations, but the Old 97's "Question" is like the sweetest song ever. It very nearly made me tear up, and we all know I am incapable of that by now. Anyway, I think if anyone should be getting massive amounts of action, it should be Rhett Miller. Get to it. Since I don't have anything besides Wordpad on this computer yet, I hand-drew my graphs for the lab... in glitter pens. At least my results are sassy now.

We started watching "Who Wants to Be a SUPER MILLIONAIRE?" tonight. $10 million, but all I can think about was how Regis kept saying "double dip" over and over. He'll save that network yet, I reckon. More importantly, the second guy on the show had his mother-in-law on instead of his wise, and she was a horrid manbeast, so I captured the video and turned it into a helpful looped video clip. For your pleasure, boys.

Yousaf came over, and we watched Underworld, which I had really been looking forward to and which was really disappointing. As everyone kept constantly pointing out, it was supposed to be vampires versus werewolves, but the vampires seemed to have no advantages at all. The main character got stabbed in the shoulder and nearly passed out and drowned from the wound. They can't even see in the dark! Meanwhile, the werewolves are strong as hell and can't really be hurt and can walk on walls and shit. So, yeah, lame. As was the, uh, romance, I guess you'd call it. And the filming, story, blah blah blah. On the plus side, I did think that Kate Beckinsale did make a really good vampire. Just, um, wrong movie. Can you believe it's back to class around? Hearts all around; I have to protect the children again tomorrow. Oh, I know you all love me. :)