01/20/2004 - 4:02 a.m. | jockin' mike d. to my dismay

Been sorta slackin' on the entries here, huh? Well, even though it's 4:02, and I am sick to my stomach, and my eyes are burning, I am staying up to write for you, my patrons. Or whatever you are. Because I care. And some core part of me realizes that yes, I do in fact have class tomorrow, but it also doesn't care all that much. I don't have to be on the top of my game to have two syllabi handed to me. And I certainly don't need to look the part.

The day got off to a good start. 2:30 in the fucking afternoon. This was not the least bit intended, but I guess it's not a huge surprise when nature takes its course. From there, well, it doesn't get much damn better. I stumbled into Kyle's room, and we took turns playing his Gameboy and using his computer. Hours and hours passed. So, since I have become so recently infatuated with his toy (not sexual, swear to God) and being, in general, poor, I decided to see if I could find a cheap one available on ebay. There were some likely candidates, but those were ignored. Instead, I went for the SURE THING: 99 cents for "infortmation" regarding how to get a Gameboy for only $14.95. How could it not work? So, being curious, I had to get it, and it was just a link to some damn affiliate thing. I suppose I could do the same thing, but do I really want to be one of those people? Hopefully not.

Six rolled around, and Kyle frantically realized that he was supposed to be getting Brytne. We sang Oasis, which has always been one of my favorite bands to sing to, even if I only know two of their damn songs. I kept losing shotgun, which is sort of depressing, but I don't think I'm entirely in the game today, so to speak. We went to, of all places, the KFC/A&W in Savoy, which may explain my stomach issues right now. Why did I get the chicken? Could it be the addictive properties of MSG? Naw, course not. Anyway, Kyle's racism was quickly justified when the three black fellers who came in were, in fact, Illini basketball players. Or else everyone else just sort of played along.

We went to pick up Spritz, and then I finally decided it was time to get somewhere with this new computer. I plug all the cords and shit in, and press the switch. Nothing. That is the most unnerving thing that could possibly happen. So, I tell Spritz who asks Dank on UO where Yousaf is, and they say they're on their way over like ten times, and I try to distract myself from how crappy this is in the meantime. At least before I hooked it up I could tell myself it was a good computer. Now, $1,400 brick.

So they eventually do make their way over, and while Dank starts the long, long process of piecing together the UO "macro box" from various old parts that seem mostly to be Kyle's, Yousaf starts plugging away at mine. He eventually decides that the video card, the video card that he himself pushed me to get because it is so darn powerful, was sucking up too much power and preventing the computer from running. Swell. So, he eventually borrowed this second power supply from Kyle which looks like this crazy robot death squid with all these blue tubes all over it and sics it on my computer. So it runs now, but is hideous. Eventually, this stops running to, at which point he plugs the video card back into the main power supply, and it works. Computers are absolutely retarded.

While Dank and Yousaf both wait for their respective projects to format, we all go to Meijer. Interesting note about my brain: So, we're riding along doing whatever, and all of a sudden it goes, "Hmmm... Sing Divinyls. Now. And don't forget the falsetto." Okie doke. While I was highly tempted to get 4 2-liters of Faygo Moon Mist Blue for $3, common sense won out in the end. Meanwhile, Spritz, who also just got a new Gameboy, was roving the store and muttering to himself about his game. "Do I have a javelin? No! Shit! Fuck you guys!" Quite the effect. Incidentally, two haircare products of interest are cholestorol and placenta. Please try them and tell me how they are.

Since Yousaf seems to think I don't understand anything about computer ("Do you know what drivers are?"), he sat around installing and updating stuff while I danced or whatever. Unfortunately, though he was going to give me one of his Windows XP installs, apparently they went and decided he had none left. I was eventually told to call Microsoft and tell them some tale of what had happened to try and get my version activated (If I don't, incidentally, after thirty days, the computer is just going to explode itself or something, so if you did happen to have an XP Pro CD key lying around, you should probably tell me), but I was stuck mostly with sassy robots and showtunes. As part of some confirmation or something, I had to read off this long number to a computer, and I guess my efforts to speak clearly made me sound both angry and hilarious. So then I'd start cussing out Yousaf (who was also making fun of my laugh, by the way), which confused the computer and had me start over. Meanwhile, Kyle made a collage of Vivas Kaul that was absolutely brilliant.

After twenty minutes of "Camp Grenada" or whatever the song is really called, I give up for now. Yousaf and I ran back to his place to get the infamous Asian lesbian movie they had been talking about all night long as well as some milk for Spritz's macaroni and cheese. Yousaf came up with the idea that a bag of milk was probably the best way to transport it, and I was inclined to agree.

The lesbian movie sucked balls. One, it was softcore, so it was just a lot of weird closeups on random skin at strange angles with usually some colored lighting. But, of course, it wasn't really about the sex, it was about the stupid, stupid plot, which I won't bother describing to you here. There were only two good things about the film: The first was in the last five minutes when Yousaf and I decided to read the subtitles for the characters aloud in falsetto. The second was the techno song in one of the sex scenes. It was an eagle crying - to a beat! Hard to describe perhaps, and I guess theoretically I could rip it now because I actually have a working computer!! No death squid or anything.

OK, well I am sure to be pleasant for the first day of class tomorrow. I bet you will be, too. Night.