12/10/2003 - 3:41 a.m. | THE HOST FROM LEGENDS IS A TOOL

Okay, shirt's off. Diary entry can begin. I woke up today at 7:30 not entirely exhausted because at least my (ahem) affliction was no more. It's a soggy day which really makes want to ride my bike to some boring ass econ class. Lewis Black makes a really good joke about 8 o'clock econ classes, but it's really long so you should probably forget I mentioned it. Anyway, as is typically the class, the much-hyped final class before the final was complete and utter bullshit. You just read me off the answers, and then you will receive the high praise, all right? I guess he did give Dr. Magelli did give a decent speech at the end about how grades aren't important and neither is knowing your major exactly and how for every seat there is in the class, ten people got turned down. I think it worked on me for all of the ride home. Then I slept until 1:30.

The next two days will be kind of suck as far as work goes, but rather than trying to make a minimal effort to lighten the load today, I figured I might as well have a decent lazy day first. Don't question me. I did do, uh, some things. Paid some bills and got my advertising project all together and looking pretty. I bought a clear plastic binder for it because Calvin and Hobbes taught me that if anything is professional, it's a clear plastic binder. Hell, yes. I will pay $1.97 for an A+. Spritz and I went out for lunch at Quiznos. The guy there was very friendly, which is a nice change of pace, even if it makes me a little nervous.

By then, it was already like 4, so I really didn't watch as much Disney Channel as it feels like, but that's still not a shining beacon in my favor. Herbs do not affect me or so it would seem. Kyle and Brytne went to see Gothika, but I had no desire to see that or anything else playing, so Spritz and I went out to Perkins instead. The muffins were deceiving. We stopped at Rentertainment and got Aeon Flux, this really messed up cartoon Spritz used to watch when he was a kid. The animation is really creepy and gross, and there is a bizarre amount of sexuality in it, not to mention that it doesn't make sense or tell a complete story at all. Still, sort of captivating. Spritz lost interest in his own choice, so there was no chance he was gonna watch Finding Nemo with me. Dunno - it was cute, but I think the praise got way overblown. And don't call me too indie for it, Kyle, because I like plenty of cute, mainstream things, so I can have an opinion free of what the artfags think. Hateful Kyle.

In the middle of Nemo, Dank and Yousaf started IMing frantically, but 'cause it was on my phone, it's pretty tough to keep up with, so I called instead. Seems they were having trouble deciding where and what they wanted to it, so they determined the best system was what is now known as the Nate Clause. OK, how it works is that you independently decide which side is which. So, for instance, if Nate is face up, we get pizza; if he face down, we get sandwiches. OK, so you call and tell me to roll around, and I do so. And I will do so. Perhaps I might have to shift to a safer area (were I in the manure fields or something), but it should be practically immediately. I will do this for an arbitrary amount of time and then will tell which way I ended up. Decision made. Genius, right? You should try it. Anyway, as compensation for my role in this process, Dank offered me a piece of pizza, which I went over and got an hour or so later. Of course, this meant we got sucked into Nickelodeon game shows and videos of people beating video games very fast (I can beat "Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers 2" for the NES in like ten minutes, but no one seems very impressed by this). Watching the kids fail makes Dank and I so very, very sad. We scream at them as the gape about. "WHERE DO I GO?! HOW TO GET TO THE SHRINE OF THE SILVER MONKEY!" We feel sort of bad. The kid who won on "Guts" today was named Bryan Beer. He is certainly a) in a frat by now and b) dead of alcohol poisoning. And! Mo, the referee from "Guts," does the voice of Brit on "My Life as a Teenage Robot!" I know this will be very unimportant to you, but somewhere out there is someone with the same bizarre combination of tastes as me, and I will keep looking for them. Meanwhile, an actually conversation from "Nick Arcade:" "So, it says here you like outside leagues." "Yes... I like leagues........... outside." These people are roughly my age noq. You can all start worrying.