11/17/2003 - 12:50 a.m. | you suck nate walsh

My medal! Where is my medal! Actually, yesterday, when Spritz and I were waiting to be seated at Perkins, there was this pretentious little high school shithead with a letterman's jacket, and he had all these medals all over it. Except it was for FUCKING BAND. Christ. You loser. Man, though... if we could've figured out some way to steal that coat, I would've worn it with mocking pride. ANYWAY! The reason I deserve a medal is because today I woke up before noon. Hoo-rah.

Of course, it's prolly only because my parents called. How am I getting home next week? The time vortex, you idiots.

I wish I had interesting tales to tell you, but I've put myself wholeheartedly into beating this damn Nintendo game. That way, I can be bored all over again that much sooner! I am quite economical with my time.

The big event of the day was going out to the store with Spritz so that we could make a big pot of Hamburger Helper/Macaroni and cheese (our specialty??) that we could eat at intervals throughout the day. We bought some lemonade (because it kills vodka... even though we don't have any vodka) and orange juice and Goldfish and other basic "kill my heart now please" necessities. My bike fell over last night, and in the process, it sort of positioned itsef so that it's having relations with the Schwinn right next to it. Yeah, baby! You slut! Well, I thought it was funny anyway. At first.

While Spritz started cooking, I opened the fridge to try and cram stuff in, and we made the unanimous decision to clean the thing out. The good news is that the birthday cake (my birthday cake) is finally gone, as are a bunch of vegetables (why did we think we'd start eating vegetables?) that were getting a little too sentinent for my liking. The mushrooms were growing mushrooms. And, because I have very little shame, I found lost Late Nite ISR items that only I would be actually willing to scavenge. For some reason, I could never call pudding cups "Snack Packs." I mean, it's just another brand name that kind of took over as the norm, I guess - Kleenex or whatever - but I am really uncomfortable with the title. It makes so little sense to me, and it makes me think of idiots and white trash. Where was I going with this?

Ah, yes. So, when I took the trash out, I figured I'd better desexify my bike off the other one before it got taken in for assaulting a minor. Somehow, though, through an insane combination of pedals and kickstands getting lodged in the exact perfect spots, the bikes were completely locked together. In fact, the other bike's left pedal was going about trashing my chain guard any time I tried to shift things about. After about five minutes of trying to carefully align them so that they'd pop out, I went for the more logical method and started kicking the other bike really, really hard. This worked. Why am I stretching out these boring stories for you? Because I can.

While Spritz and I ate, we watched the "Behind the Music" on Britney Spears, which was almost the exact same thing as last year's "Driven" episode about her. And really, they don't go into "the music" too much because, uh, she sucks balls at it. Anyway, between the two TV specials, I now know more about her life than any one man ever should, as I proved to Kyle and Brytne at dinner tonight. I pretty much recited her life story from her rise to fame all the way up to her very near future (Her new record debuts this Tuesday!!!). You might think having a memory like mine would be a gift, but once you remember how many songs were co-written by her on each of her albums, you sort of wish it would all melt away.

I kept trying to get Spritz to watch "The Amanda Show" because she is so cute, but even I have to agree with him that it's just horribly unfunny. Mute on. Some other quick thoughts, while I am at it. Whenever Spritz tries to unlock the door and sticks the key in the wrong way (as he is wont to do), I yell "GERK!" That is his key messing up noise. Two, Ted Leo was smashing the tambourine on his head last night. Why do I love him so? Three, from the makers of "Dance Dance Revolution" comes sort of "Karaoke Revolution" game. It comes with a headset, and you sing, and it judges you on rhythm and tone and stuff. This will be mine within a few days, I can almost assure you. And then you can watch my self-esteem drop into the toilet when I realize that I do not have the melodious singing voice I once thought.

More game, more dumb, blah blah blah. Dank came over, and we all talked, which was pretty nice. Then more game. Ugh. Damn it, Nate. Do something productive. Interspersed throughout my lameness, Gina kept IMing to find out about notary publics, and Michelle kept IMing to try and convince me to go to bingo. I honestly did not understand her logic. "There are lots of people coming!" Well, swell! All the more reason you wouldn't notice my absence! Makes me think of cattle? I am an ornery little shit. Sorry.

Like I said, though, I went to dinner with Kyle and Brytne (Kyle was in a happy, singy mood - yay!) and Spritz and I went for a walk for a while. Did you know you can rent tandem bicycles from campus rec? For less than $25 a semester? Now that you do know this, I better see a lot more of them around. And I'm going to make a button. "Ask me about tandem bicycles!" You will get valuable Adorable Points from me which, while essentially worthless, might make your heart shine. Now I am drinking some orange juice that I found outside and which Spritz assures me is herpes free. He even knows where it came from. Although he didn't specifically say goblins, I think we all know that's what he meant.