11/03/2003 - 2:30 a.m. | no, actually, it's mine

There is an IMPE staff barcrawl coming up sometime soon. While I would not think of going ever ever ever, I am still thinking about going. I just want to dance, and why the fuck can't I shut up about it?! NO TALK NOOOO

It seems that when someone asks me for advice, they really don't want advice maybe? They're like, "OK, should I get a hot dog or a hamburger?" And I say, "Get a hamburger - hot dogs are really fucking gross." And they reply, "But I've really been craving a hot dog for a long time now," at which point I say (and this is a direct quote), "Shut up." This is not because I hate you or anything but merely the third alternative that everyone forgets about. See, you could do the one thing, but you sort of want to do the other, and asking me isn't going to help, so I dunno... maybe... shut up? People seem to find this rude, however, and I wouldn't want to seem rude, so my new alternative is, "We're all going to die, so I don't think the choice matters too much..." The problem is that people start taking it too seriously and then go punch gypsies in the head and get cursed or I dunno steal cars and then their lives end up sort of lousy, and I don't really want that.

The main thing is I can never tell if you are being rhetorical or not. I get the feeling that a lot of people are, and that's fine. I just always miss it and try to answer seriously, so maybe I will ask, but I need a good voice to ask it in. Or perhaps a button or tattoo to point to. Nevermind. Today I lied to Kyle about the most ridiculous things. "Where's Brytne?" "Oh, she went to the Discovery Zone..." "Huh? Where?" "In Kankakee..." "Huh? But she had to work!" "Sorry, too busy singing the theme song for Discovery Zone..." "What's all over my keyboard?" "Paint thinner." I wouldn't want to be a good liar, as in saying things that sound real in a real way that aren't real. I mean, man - all I learned tonight from Jett Jackson was that Pinky Promises are just absolute bullshit. Everyone goes back on them, so the one at the end of the show was totally meaningless! I don't want that. I want to be a good bad liar, as in saying things that make no sense in a real way. Plus, it enhances the imagination, and that's always a perk! Perk has become so much associated with breasts that I unconsciously pictured some there as I wrote it. Whose, you wonder? Whose bosom does Nate Walsh find perky? Who knows? COULD BE YOURS