10/27/2003 - 1:57 a.m. | the funny shudder of a bad magnetic event

I think at times I could be accused of brilliance. I woke up this morning, and the first thing I thought was, "What if I had Bill sing the 'Ruff Ryderz Anthem' while I screamed 'WHAT' at the appropriate times?" - Bill of course being the creepy text-to-speech program I have. So I got up and did that. At 1 - er, 12. And it was fucking amazing. When I showed it to Kyle later, Spritz overheard and misfired his piss. Now, that's quality for you! Kyle's new favorite word is "CHAOS," and I do believe he might have something. Then I started eating cereal and didn't stop until I pooped; I need to gain a little weight in my face if I want to be thoroughly accurate with my costume.

Time passed slowly, and Dannii Minogue is hot. Showered and stuff - my complexion is a mess - and wasted enough time until I had to go to work. Then I went to work. I decided that tonight would be Steamy Romance Night at Freer, so I turned off the lights in my office and lit a candle and put on some mellow music. And then screamed like a banshee. Fucking work. Spritz asked if anyone noticed. Hell yes, they noticed; I just don't seem to care anymore. I used to quiet down whenever a patron came up... Now I just wail as I swipe their card. I'm jovial, damn it. Just not social is all. People kept asking if the power was out. "No, I just found a candle." So I looked up shit on ebay by candlelight. Just like the pioneers. I also read pretty much everything I have to read for a while, so I guess I might have to give real work a shot at some point. Fwaaaah :(

Came home, left home with Kyle to get Brytne. I sat in the car and sang some more. Yes, this is a common theme. We then went to Late Night ISR where I immediately began making fun of this girl's giant ass. Apparently, I was a little "loud," but I'm pretty sure that's the point. Behind the back seems much more cruel anyway. I ended up feeling sort of bad, however, because she was cute, so I made it a point to give her the eye while we ate (why did I think a hamburger and fries would be good? what convinced me? was it science? it must have been). Fucking the eye - I don't even know what that is. As far as I've constructed from the available evidence, every look I have at my disposal just looks pissed off and/or creepy. I've been rubbing my eyelids raw. Anyway, to relieve my guilt, I guess I should masturbate to her or something... Nah.

"If you take a bad boy and make him dig a hole every day in the hot sun, it will turn him into a good boy." Right on.

We picked up Spritz, and then I plopped on the couch and wished something with Kirsten Dunst would come on TV. Sure enough, with my limited powers of bending the wills of the weak-minded, Bring It On came on USA. Nice. Even that doesn't make sense to me. I skipped bingo because... well... I haven't thought of a reason yet. Anyway, I am sleepier than usual, so I will hit the hay as soon as... dunno - find some. I can't even type the right words right now. I look forward to Halloween, even though I know I won't end up really doing anything. This is optimism for you.