10/20/2003 - 2:51 a.m. | the instigator.

I can't say I did much tonight. Book, game, music - whoop dee shit. Supposed to meet Michelle and her dude friends for bingo, causing the first bad anxiety spell I've had in a long time. This attributed to me being over an hour late, as well as my discovery of muffinfilms.com, so I'd say it's about a tie. Finally I got myself together enough to leave. I meditated in the parking lot for a little - and even did that retarded tapping thing - until I felt reasonably all right. You have no idea, hmm? Once again, I did not win all night. That's 0 for 3 now. Wow, amazing suck. Ben got some economy sized bottle of hair gel, Chris this awesome "Special Forces" play set (with infared goggles, a knife, and a walkie talkie headset - all plastic, of course), and Fitz an ashtray. Luckily, they played "Sk8er Boi." I ran off afterwards because, well, that's what I do. I think I deserve some sort of prize for managing to sit through the majority of the night, so you'll excuse me if I got the hell out of dodge. Man, it's like I'm riding a whole new bike. So smooth and easy to balance. Makes me very happy, so I took a ride before coming back here to do my usual garbage. It really messes up my hours. I am so shocked that it is 3 right now. Where is everyone? What's going on? Why are they sleeping? I'm thirsty!

OK, so I've decided that once a week I'm going to try and cook something I really like. This week I am shooting for pasta with cream sauce, peas, and prosciutto. That's a good goal, right?

More importantly, there are less than two weeks until Halloween, and I would like to make some sort of semi-elaborate costume, so I will take suggestions. I sort of want to be a lobster, and my mom wants me to be a mummy, so everyone just speak up lots and lots. And soon. Thank you!

I honestly am not a bad person. I'm sure of it. I'm boring, and I do stupid things, but I do generally believe in my goodness. Maybe that's my problem. Too boring and good. I am not any fun to be around. I don't know why you would, really. What is there to offer? Hmmm. Makes you wonder. I wish I were fun. I just apparently have a rod permanently up my butt. I don't understand.

Rhett Miller has such a cool voice. He really gets into it. I like passion like that. "you got terrible vision if you don't see / that i'm love with you, how that means everything" :) Forcefulness makes me happy and dance-y.