10/11/2003 - 12:15 p.m. | i am not the variable; i am the constant

Friday.

I woke up and peed this morning (I only mention this because I doubt you know the intricacies of my urination cycle) and noticed some little black thing on my penis. Not wearing my glasses yet, I assumed it was a death leech. I looked a little closer and noticed it was a tiny, tiny sticker that read "Hi-8." 1) How did it get there? 2) How fitting.

Goosebumps are just awful as of late. I dread getting them.

Test in journalism today, which I did more or less pretty well on. Except everytime I have self-confidence, it blows up in my face, so let's assume I sucked balls. Anyway, punctuation was easy, and I knew most of the readings and lectures pretty well. I drew a total blank on an example of a clich�, however. Strange, since I use them all the freaking time. Got my second rewrite back: B+ Yes! Perhaps I am not a great writer, but I am an adaptable one, and that might be worth something (e.g. Kool-Aid points).

With some time to spare, I sat on a bench near the quad, listened to music, and pretended to read as a thinly-veiled disguise for people watching. I started to dance a little, which is embarrassing, but it's not as if anyone noticed. Pretty much my top enjoyment is watching people run from bees. This one Asian girl took a huge sideways leap. I wish I had a fear of something rational. Stupid mice.

Econ just kind of washes over me. I didn't write or read, but I didn't really pay all that much attention either, and I can't remember thinking anything particularly, except giggling about bee fear (in the guy in front of me). Ruins my life force apparently. Ran to Walgreens to get, I dunno, beauty supplies or something. Buy more. However many you got, you need more. I totally agree. As a wise woman once said, "doesn't make him any more attractive."

Got to stats really early, so I went down to the creepy basement of the architecture building (By the way, big spiral bannister! So much fun to slide down!) and read. Hurried comparison of homework in class with Will and then just more reading. I'm really digging the McSweeney's. Turns out I like short stories a lot, especially when they're sort of bizarre. So, yeah, if you've got an extra $80 lying around that you're just dying to be rid of, buy me subscription. See, I would do it myself, but the only way I raise money is by answering product questions on the main page, earning me a nickel at a time. 50 cents, motherfuckers.

Did you know that the "D" in "D-Day" doesn't stand for anything? I swear it did. Damn faulty history lessons. Or brain.

I started my normal afternoon activities, but I had been contemplating dyeing my hair, and on the suggestion of Kyle and Brytne (black), I felt it was time to give it a shot, so I did while watching "Elimidate" with Brytne. God, I hate those people. Why are they so stupid and awful? They had to blur our this one lady's vagina for pretty much the whole thing. Wear some panties, sicko. Anyway, I learned some things. For one, black hair dye is much messier than red. For another, I look like a dumbass. So long, punk! Helllooooo, goth!

As if I didn't look pale enough before. And I don't think I have the right haircut for it. It sort of looks like I'm wearing a wig in a low-budget play or something. It's just hair, though. It'll pass. Like this kidney stone.

"Kim Possible" was adorable and the Japanese Mega Man game is impossible. Spritz and I went out for Korean. We were the only white people there, which we both find frequently amusing. I do slightly regret being more of an eyesore than usual, though. My chicken thing was highly mediocre, but cheap, so who can really complain?

Stopped at Dank's so Spritz could borrow a game and drive around in a circle for 75 miles. Lines got crossed about wookiees, and I started calling Dank "Jewie." I am such an ass. On the plus side, I like my new citrus toothpaste. It's like brushing with candy, and that's all I really need.

While Spritz played, I read. When Kitty, Allen, and Brytne showed up, we played foosball and half-assedly watched This is Spinal Tap. Even though I feel like I'm getting better at the game, I do not have the points to prove it. I made Brytne drool all over herself and almost choke, which led to the evening's theme of delayed spit takes. Something surprising happens. Pause. Take drink. Pause. PSHHHHHHH. Of course it's not funny!

Waited for Kyle to get back, so we could head out. One thing about groups is that they are slow as all hell. Kyle and I went to the gas station (singing the Verve Pipe's "Freshman" along the way), Spritz had AIM to monitor or had to change, Brytne spent forever messing with her hair so she could put it down (my recommendation - actually, all guys' recommendation) and then put it up, Allen was crashed on the couch. Kitty was pretty ready, though. Ten points. Headed out about 10, and I grabbed an ice cream bar. Why do I love ice cream so much? EXPLAIN IT.

Hit Eric and Andy's first. The party was, uh, hardly hopping. Like, 6 people sitting and playing cards. Somehow this disappoints me, and yet I don't really like big parties either. I am so fickle. Kyle and Brytne hacked the gibson as far as drinky marks go and then we headed on our way for a while (I beat Brytne in a foot race!), to Maly's. Not much better. 10 people instead of 6. Approximately, I mean. Still, the time was more easily passed there because I at least knew some people, and it didn't smell. Kyle and I briefly attempted wrestling outside, but he was far too gone to handle that, so then we just all sat and talked. Kyle mixed Maly up some insane concoction that supposedly didn't taste like alcohol. I think they were perhaps a little too gone to be on top of their taste buds, however. After a while, we tried to head on back to Eric's, but gathering the group just got exponentially harder. First, Allen and Kitty were gone. We got them back, but lost Kyle and Spritz. Then Spritz came out, but not Kyle (who we kept assuming had thrown up), so Brytne went in after him. Then maybe Spritz in after them. Half an hour process, I swear. On the plus side, Spritz lied about having herpes so no one would drink his artfag water. Ten points to Slytherin.

Doing pretty much anything in a group by this point is a hassle. Straggling and stopping and running off and just sitting down in the middle of the street and just general drunkeness were the order of the night. We did finally make it to Eric's, which was suddenly packed. I would like to turn off the little voice (I'm not even sure it's a voice... just a pinching) that keeps me worrying, but as this is impossible, I stuck by people I knew mostly. I hope this didn't bother them. Brytne kept lying to people about where the bathroom was. As far as HUGE plusses go, I finally saw Spritz dance, which is fucking amazing. Now, unfortunately, I have this bias where I think everyone looks stupid dancing, but he was at least upper-spectrum stupid. That's practically a compliment!! Anyway, since Kyle was turning more emo by the second (and falling on the floor), Allen and I danced with Brytne. Seriously, though, I don't dance. I am less awkward than Allen, but I just do not dance. Well, I dance, but not to the music they play at places where you dance. Does that make me a slob? Probably. I forget my point. Lots of smelliness (wonder why?) and shoving through crowds, but at least I wasn't wigging out. Just not right, though. Good thing I don't like girls.

Kyle took off out the door, and while I can respect the need to be alone sometimes (I need to get off on my own once in a while to feel better), it is not a good idea to do this while smashed (getting one's self arrested or killed or sodomized, etc), so I followed. It is the same old thing. He gets so emo when he's drunk, so full of self-pity and self-confidence, with not a solution to be found (or listened to). I take the brunt of this because I do care, but I do wish he could get himself together. Of course, this does not happen. By the time we had back inside, everyone else in our party is ready to go, minus one. Kyle and Spritz try to go find him, while Allen and I try to keep Brytne under control. She was quite loopy by this point, yelling about two moons and either spinning in the street or falling on the ground, making "grass angels." Spritz comes back out, and Kyle is gone. Fucking emo boy has run off again. So, we start looking, Spritz gets a hold of him, and I run to go find him.

It is extremely frustrating to put up with. I'm sorry, I love Kyle, but it is. He kept trying to climb a wall, and he just said the same things over and over. I don't like to see him hurting, but he just won't listen to reason. I guess that's how drunkeness works. Anyway, we regrouped once again, but keeping our party together was becoming more and more of a challenge. Brytne kept wandering off, and Kyle would occasionally just take off running in what I can only assume was a grand emotional display. I'd chase after him, more and more annoyed each time, because he was gonna get himself hurt or lost or something, and then he finally did. He was leaping over this kitty corner of bushes. He made the first one fine, and he actually made the second one fine too, but he neglected to notice the chain fence on the other side of it. Pow. Straddled the thing at high speed. A moan emerges. A Kyle collapses. Now, every guy has been hit in the junk now and again, and it sucks, but I think Kyle got it worse than he ever has. He was lying on the ground in absolute misery, crying and gagging. Spritz held his hand, and the rest of us stood out of the way. Poor guy. Soon, Brytne collapsed on the ground next to him. Then Kitty. Then Spritz (although not before exchanging several high fives with me because, as awful as it was, it was still pretty fucking hilarious - especially Kyle's comment about wanting Nutter Butters). Someone walked by and stared. Guess you could guess the sober ones, hmm?

We eventually got on the move again (with still about 6 blocks to go), and the parties became more disjointed. Allen and Kitty walked ahead. Kyle started to run off again, so I ran to catch up. Brytne and Spritz lagged behind and smoked (and eventually puked in Brytne's case). Arguing with a drunk person honestly gets you no where. Kyle and I made it home (he went to bed), I let Allen and Kitty in (she went to bed), and I ran back to make sure Spritz and Brytne were OK. Brytne was really sad, so the three of us talked for a while. There was a cute dog along the way, but who walks dogs at 2 in the morning? Crazies.

Allen and Brytne wanted Jimmy John's, and I swear to God, no one is going to pay delivery charges while I have a bike, so I rode over there to make a last minute order. Oh, the drunkards were there in spades. One super-slutty girl (who was already practically falling out of her top) tumbled over and passed out, revealing her coot to the rest of the world. Unlike "Elimidate," unfortunately, they did not blur that shit out. >:O

I stupidly forgot my satchel, so I rode back with a bag in my mouth. I so must have looked like a lush. Brytne was out by the time I got back, but I woke her, and we all had a little sandwich party before we went to bed. And then it just repeats and repeats and repeats.

Listen, I know I'm not a great person, and I certainly have the looks or the confidence or the charm to be anything swell, but I am generally a nice person. I really do care, even if it seems disguised. I know this doesn't matter to a lot of people, but I am happy I have this trait, even if it gets me nowhere.

Woke up numerous times this morning (wake Kyle, turn off someone's alarm, buzz someone in), but finally up at 12. Spritz and I made mac and cheese (white cheddar), and I saw his penis. >:O He was wearing just his undies while we were playing foosball, and I glanced up, and there it was. Flop flop. I started screaming, "Dude, you're falling out! You're falling out!" Another step along the path of homoeroticism. And everyone just think it's HI-LARIOUS. No. Wow, I've been writing this entry for a long, long, long time. I pooped, and it looked like a donut. Full circle. 1+(-1)^L