09/30/2003 - 3:59 a.m. | brief note

Did you ever get the feeling that it doesn't really matter if you're around or not? I get that feeling a lot. I mean, not that I don't want to exist or anything, just that I don't think that any other people have any real need for me at all. That's sort of a downer... and sort of exhilarating at the same time. I mean, I'd like to be wanted, needed, whatever... but if I were, I'd just mess it up anyway. This is a core problem, I think, and neither side seems right, so I'm hoping I'll stumble on a secret third option.