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� 05/27/2003 - 9:56 p.m. | but it's you i fell into Apparently, my Lucky Charms fortune teller knows what sarcasm is, for today was anything but nice. Or, I guess whatever it says could always be the exact opposite of true, which I guess would explain the gay thing... Or, perhaps it is a bad idea in the first place to put my fate in the hands of something I got from a box of cereal. But I doubt it!
Hours worked: 10:30-"6:30" Everyone in my house is so lazy about replacing the bar of soap in the shower. I saw it was just a sliver yesterday and went ahead and used it anyway. "Haha! Someone else will definitely have to get a new one now," I thought. WRONG! This is survival of the fittest. Getting new soap is admitting weakness. So, when I got in and saw there were only a few dozen soap molecules left, I wasn't about to give in. I bit the bullet and used pear body wash!! Yeah, I'm a man. Actually, the body wash isn't the bad part. To apply said body wash, I used this adorably deformed fish loofa Lisa gave me. You know how loofas are supposed to be soft? Fish loofa doesn't believe in that bullshit. He scrapes the dirt off, and if a few hunks of skin are shucked in the process, so be it. At least the gashes in my back smell like pear. Anyway, despite waking up at 8, I still somehow got to work at 10:30. I blame traffic........ Also, the radio was really good! For example, as soon as I got in, "Disease" came on!! Can't beat that! So yeah, half an hour late. Of course, I usually get to work at around 10:15 or 10:20 anyway, but the problem was that today Harve (the big boss) noticed. So, I was winding some string (Snake King: "Yeah, we'll probably have that cardboard ready for you, uh, tomorrow... probably") and Harve comes up to me and says, "So, you're staying until 6:30 today, right?" "Ha-HA!" I say, because I figure he is joking. "Good one, sir!" But he's serious. This is "crunch time" or some bullshit, so I have to stay for a full 8 hours. Then, because the only consistent bit of information he can recall about me is that I attend the University of Illinois, he says, "You U of I guys are supposed to be tough!" (Back when the only thing he could recall was that I attended IMSA, he would do the same thing, so it hasn't been a difficult transition). After I numbly agree to this (I don't argue because it gets me in trouble), I begin to think. So, I've missed half an hour of winding string - an easy, relatively painless job that isn't really necessary right now - and in its place I'm gonna have to weld for an extra half an hour?! This isn't entirely fair. Plus, I've never stayed past 6:00, and I don't care to see what goes on around here during prime time (might turn into a pumpkin HAHAHA). But where can I get some extra time (because now I know that Harve will be around after 6 to make sure I'm still here)? Well, technically, I really only work 7 and a half hours; I've got a half hour for lunch. >:) So, the choice is as follows: starvation, or an extra 30 minutes at H & E Associates. Starvation it is! Now, the important thing is to never be seen not working for the rest of the day. Because if he sees me changing CDs or coming out of the toilet, he's gonna assume that I'm on the tail end of a break and will yell. And Nate doesn't like yelling. Hold on, I just spilled a Coke on my keyboard. OK, got it cleaned up, and I don't think there was any permanent damTHE STARS WILL ALWAYS SHINE THE BIRDS WILL ALWAYS SING AS LONG AS AS THERE IS THIRST THERE'S ALWAYS THE REAL THING COCA-COLA CLASSIC IS ALWAYS THE ONE WHERE EVER THERE IS FUN THERE'S ALWAYS COCA-COLA YEEEEAAAHH I'm so funny. Anyway, so I eventually got shifted to the welder. Snake King came up to me and was like, "You can go weld now, if you want." Now, what he obviously means is, "Go weld, slave!" but he's trying to be nice about it. Here is the fun of acting ignorant. I say, with complete earnestness (not an easy task), "No, that's OK! I like winding string better than welding anyway!" Hohoho! He then proceeds to explain to me that I have to weld blah blah blah crunch time etc. I got in my kicks, though, and no one knows, so I'm happy. Anyway, I weld for the next 6 hours, and it goes by relatively quickly, possibly because I keep breaking everything. First, do you know what happens when you try to make a welder weld itself? Bad things. Things were going alone as fine as could be when I noticed that I was retarded and forgot to put crosspieces in the panel that was currently being welded. So, I pull the long wires out and turn the machine back on. Nothing happens. So, I call Snake King over, and he fiddles around, and he can't figure out why it's not working either. Flair for the obvious, I point out that the welder's light is no longer on after he's tried just about everything else. This seems to inspire him, so I figure I've got some time to maybe (heh heh) sneak in a little lunch. I walk out to my car for my sandwich and a few (4) aspirin (not that the place gives me a blinding headache or anything) and when I come back in, Harve calls me over. He was fairly pissed (either he doesn't say a word or I get yelled at... no middle ground, thanks to headphones!). "Don't EVER let the welder weld without something to weld in between it!" Once I worked out the logic of that statement, I agreed, but as always happens when I do something wrong, he lectures far more than he needs to (and that's why I always end up getting pissed off). Apparently, as Kyle Wild and Bjork might accuse, I blew a fuse and, had I done serious damage, well, the factory as we know it would be kaput. :( :( :( Now, I can understand why he'd be upset, but I don't particularly like being accused of being a retard or a saboteur, so I was getting a little annoyed myself; it was just a simple mistake. Everyone's missed a panel now and then, and I just happened to get screwed on one of those times. Then he goes, "Guess they don't teach you that down at the U of I..." aseuyruivjknzdfv FUCK YOU AND YOUR ONE FACTOID ABOUT ME Ahem. Now, I'm smart enough to know not to yell or argue. But, up until that point, I had been prepared to apologize (I'm a pretty apologetic guy, you know?). Not anymore. AND WHY DO OLD PEOPLE SMELL FUNNY?! Anyway, I get back to work, and I remain angry for a while, but I calm down pretty fast (aromatherapy stick :D). Since I had already brought it in, I decided to eat my sandwich while I welded. Perhaps this is mildly unsanitary, but I still consider it a victory! I ate, and I got to leave early! And, my list of ways to destroy H & E Associates has grown to three:
1. Weld machine to self. I know which of these is the easiest, but I also know which one would be the most fun. Boy, this entry just won't end, will it? So, welder was peachy from there on out, but the bender kept breaking down on me shortly thereafter. I am a force of destruction. On the plus side, I finally have proof that Travo really is a narc and that I'm not just inventing stories to keep you interested or out of "paranoia" or something. So, I had Snake King come over to try and fix the bender the first time it broke, and Travo pops over out of nowhere and is like, "Yeah, that might be 'cause you're pulling out the panels while they're still bending..." Stupid narc. Everyone does that. Except you, you fucking angel. O:| But, I tried being extra careful after that, just in case, and it still broke down, and I gained support from the unlikliest ally: Snake King. I apologized (see? I'll apologize when I'm not pissy), but he was like, "It's not your fault, it's the machine's!" So, there you go, a week of earnest sucking up and fake ignorance, and I have some backup. And I'm pretty as I was walking out to the car to get my aspirin, Travo was talking in private to Harve. That fucking narc. So, yeah - day zoomed by. At around 4:45, when I was listening to Fiona, I suddenly realized that the titles of the albums I had picked were forming something of a sentence. A sentence I had to complete. So it was a panicked 15 minutes while I mentally went through all my albums and found one that sort of made sense. Had I been willing to listen to another D-Plan album (I wasn't), I could've had some punctuation ("!"), but I think it was fairly brilliant of me (it wasn't). I know, this is TERRIBLY lame, but that's how you have to fill up your hours. I don't know how the other guys do it. Travo finally broke down this afternoon and dug out a radio. Welcome to the dark side... narc. Pretty decent music on the drive home ("MISS INDEPENDENT!") and then chicken soup for dinner. To quote the song, "Baby, instant soup doesn't really grab me / Today I need somethin' more sub-sub-substantial," but I didn't have to cook, so who am I to complain? Tonight's entertainment options were a) watch Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo on FOX or b) not. I chose the latter. And yeah, I've been pretty much writing this since the dawn of time, so you're all caught up for today. As far as Monday goes (AIEEEE - don't worry, I'll try to make this brief), watched, uh, crap TV for most of the morning and afternoon (I think - no other events stand out in my mind), then showered and went to the Browns' for a Memorial Day party. It was, uh... It was... highly mediocre. I'm sorry! I mean, I didn't hate it or anything. It's just that if I threw a party (and I never, EVER will), I would not invite any of those people to come. The groups just all seemed so awkward and, I dunno, sort of fake to each other. I mean, everyone was nice, but you wondered (well, I wondered) how many of them actually wanted to be there and how many were actually wanted there. Once again, social obligations are icky. Glad I brought my yo-yo. Tanna was there (without DUDE), so we said 7 words to each other instead of two. See, the reason I don't talk is because I think she thinks I still like her (and I don't) and that anything friendly I do is some sort of pass... but then, maybe she thinks the reason I don't talk is because I feel awkward around her because I still like her. RAR! OK, someone pass it on to her that I don't like her and I'm not creepy. Or at least the former! The hours dragged on there for a while, and then the WALSHES left. Mom and I went to Wal-mart, and I had my first Tropical Sno of the season (Lover's Delight!! It took forever; Mom was seconds away from a mindsnap). Came home, read for a bit (Beginner's Guide to Hypnosis - high time I learn a life skill), and then, as I mentioned, crashed for 12 hours. There. At last.
I won't be soothed, |