05/25/2003 - 2:52 p.m. | what if I were romeo in black jeans?

Woke this morning to the sound of a chainsaw. Parents have begun work on their 25th anniversary pergola (sic? anyway, it's essentially an awning without a roof for the porch), so they had to tear down trees and fences and junk. I eventually crawled outside to get some sun while I have the chance. About an hour spent out, half front, half back. My face got all sweaty, and it tickles when it runs down my nose. I'm serious. Seriously. I am in a state of seriousness. Right.

So, once my skin was thoroughly enflamed (not necessarily a bad thing, as it will lead to color and sun + music is nice), I came inside and watched the old school Spider-man cartoon (hilariously inept, of course) and then 3/4 of the movie Loser. OK, despite my post-film comments that I could've done better, I generally enjoy pretty much every movie :) I'm just an ass. Loser, however, ticked me off. OK, long story short: Jason Biggs is the epononymous loser. He likes Mena Suvari, who likes him as a friend and they hang out and junk, but she likes their professor, Greg Kinnear, who is a total, blatant, anal asshole. OK, so you know what's coming, right? The predictability was fine; I can handle that. But did Mena Suvari figure out she liked Jason Biggs on her own? NO! The writers had to put in some retarded coincidence where she just happened to be walking pay the very same pay phone Jason Biggs was at, calling his dad (Dan Ankroyd) and talking about how much he likes Mena. So Mena overhears and goes into this whole "Oh, he's so sweet; how ever did I miss this?" montage and now she wants him. Retarded. Okay, I can understand her not knowing her feelings for Jason Biggs; people are slow on the uptake constantly. But then there had to be this stupid convergence of ridiculous events for her to secretly learn he liked her. Dumb dumb dumb. Greg Kinnear was an asshole to her. They should've have shown her lying in bed going, "Wait - he's a dick! And Jason Biggs is nice and we have fun and he even likes animals and shit! I like him!" But no. Montage. I know, it's a visual medium. I just thought it was dumb that she had to learn he liked her before she liked him. Maybe it's just because I never understood why he was such a loser, though. He seemed nice to me, a little awkward and with a stupid hat, but that's fine. ANGRY.

On the plus side, I downloaded "No Myth (Romeo in Black Jeans)" and it kicks some major ass. I should shower because I am disgusting and sweaty. And everyone keeps making fun of me about the depantsing. Now I recall why I didn't relate the story for four years.