04/02/2003 - 3:26 p.m. | fool me thrice

"And I've been had - or at least that's how it looks
And it's not funny like on TV, and it's not smart like it is in books"

OK, you'd think that with my near-constant (soon to be repaired?!?!?) paranoia, I wouldn't be easily fooled by trickery. Wrong-o, assface. I'm both paranoid and extremely trusting (ahem - gullible) - a deadly combination. Therefore, I got owned three times (4 actually, if you count Spritz's "What's that on your shirt?" strategem) on old April Fool's Day. To my credit, I did have, like, a half a second of doubt on each of these, simply because of what day it was. In order:

• Shelly (not deserving of the proper name Michelle right now) IMd me as several completely insane characters, including "rogerlodge17" (that's right, the host of "Blind Date") and "prochief4life" and just hassled me in general. It was especially creepy when "Roger" put up "mrkrazy11" repeating in "his" profile over and over. Excerpts:

  mrkrazy 11: How'd you track me down, Roger Lodge?
  rogerlodge17: THLD
  mrkrazy 11: Pardon?
  rogerlodge17: figure it out yourself dipshit
  mrkrazy 11: You aren't nearly as congenial as on TV
  rogerlodge17: OH THANK YOU MRKRAZY 11
  rogerlodge17: and by the way, that is NOT a cool screen name

  rogerlodge17: to handcrafted dildos made in local breweries
  rogerlodge17: to rice and beans and cheese

  Yeah, I didn't think she had this malicious side to her nature. I was wrong. Congats. But then she was dumb and left her second buddy list open when I came over later, so I yelled at her, and she started to choke or die or something... so I guess we're square [sidenote: a third party, not Shelly by her own admission, actually did randomly IM me and hassle me all day... and questioned my masculinity :( haha]

• Imran owned Michelle, so Kyle and I got screwed by association. He said that there was gonna be a toga party... somewhere (yeah, perhaps we should have noticed the COMPLETE LACK OF DETAILS), so we got all done up (although I don't think Greeks really used duct tape on their togas... Additonally, I looked like I was wearing a form-fitting evening gown myself) and headed over to PAR, getting some choice stares from proper Asian academics. Michelle got ready, and we headed over to Imran's. No toga party. Of course. Still, she didn't get it nearly as bad as Kyle or myself (my disgustingly pale, sickeningly skinny self) as a) no one minds seeing a girl in a toga and b) she didn't have the whole walk of shame to-and-from PAR.
• JSP's proposal yesterday was a fake. Damn it.