03/05/2003 - 2:04 a.m. | paranoia breeds paranoia breeds paranoia

OK, for those of you lucky enough to be normal, let me explain how paranoia breeds paranoia breeds paranoia. So, paranoid person is talking to a normal, psychologically-healthy person. Paranoid person is nervous, so he rambles on and on and goes on tangents. Paranoid person perceives that normal person might possibly be bored. Although he is worried, paranoid person decides he must not ask a paranoid question or make a self-deprecating remark because he knows that these questions do no good. Paranoid person is obviously only seeking approval, and fishing for compliments isn't gonna dig him out of any holes. In fact, a constant stream of these sorts of things will more than likely annoy the normal person. "Just shut up already," they'll think! "You're not that fucking important!" Paranoid person knows this, he knows he musn't do these things. But they gnaw at him. He desperately wants to know, and finally, when he can't stand it anymore (rage breaks the threshold of reticence), he'll ask a little question or make a little jibe at himself, hoping - HOPING - that the response will be in his favor. And, more than likely, it is. This does not solve the problem; paranoid person wonders how long this trend of unannoyance will hold. He gets nervous and rambles some more, starts to question, holds it back, releases! Again again again... until finally it's inevitable that normal person really is sick of paranoid person. And maybe that's the way he wanted it all along. Sick, right?

In an unrelated item, I think I made a prick out of myself tonight. I kept rambling and saying boring shit, and I might have sounded pretentious, but I didn't mean to. I need to relax, man. And stop apologizing. Honestly, if I could get you to understand... well, then you'd have to be like me. So nuh-uh.