03/03/2003 - 1:47 a.m. | more, i dunno, moping

Boy, I'm allowing myself to be down a lot lately. That's stupid. I'd go to sleep, but Spritz decided to start his shower at 1:30, so I have several hours to kill. Yes, I'm still gonna write superficial stuff. It's what I'm used to. Man, I am thirsty. I am also a closed person. It is difficult for me to discuss my feelings. I think it is difficult for most people, really. Which is why there are relationships. I mean, there are relationships for other reasons too, but man - I don't even know what I'm talking about. My psych TA didn't post that there's gonna be a quiz tomorrow, but it has been 2 weeks, and we have 2 chapters covered, so it seems likely to me. I'm so tired. On the plus side, I am wearing a Captain Morgan's t-shirt. What a fucking gay pirate. It says on the back "FOLLOW ME TO PARROT BAY" I hope no one asks because I'll be fucked then.

I don't know if everyone is like this, but there is a clear division in my brain between feelings and logic. Unfortunately, they are rarely reconciled, and feelings tend to have more control. Like, when I was depressed last night... Logic kept giving me all these cold hard facts proving that people do not hate me, and that I am not the most annoying creature on the face of the earth. I didn't feel any better, though, because I still had my paranoid fears. I had a similar problem with being extroverted when I was younger. Logic knew that it was silly for me to be shy, but I did it anyway. I've improved - really, I have. IMSA helped some, I think, but I am still my mother's child. I dunno - sometimes I think I might need a little help, which seems overdramatic or something. But who's to say that those anti-anxiety pills or talking to a therapist wouldn't help? Someone neutral I could be completely honest with. And then other times, it's like, "Man - what I call problems is just a load of whiny bullshit. Why am I even worrying?" Meh - Spritz is done, and I have not much left to say. Sorry if I'm repeating myself.