03/03/2003 - 1:37 a.m. | confessions of a supporting actor

Honestly, I'm not a terrible conversationalist. I swear. It might seem like all I make is my little witticisms, but I am just very, very shy. You have to work at it with me. I know, that's kind of a hassle, but I'd hate you to think I'm merely a sidekick. Well, I guess I am. A supporting character, really. But there's no rule that we can't have a little to us anyway. Perhaps no one bothers asking us, you know? I mean, you're always so focused on the main characters and their efforts to win the girl or save Christmas or whatever that you giggle at our antics without digging any deeper. "They're just there for laughs, right?" In part, man, but there are feelings here too. I'm usually cast off to the side, though, so the horny dog can hump the main guy's leg. You might think, "Well, how could you possibly make a full story with only supporting characters?" And you're right. I'm just a gimmick. But man, I have to fucking live that shit. I'm not shallow; I was just written that way.

If I ever made a movie, there would be a dramatic shift whereby the supporting actors became the main characters and we saw some real insight into them. That's just a thought, though. Someone would have to put it into effect.