01/27/2003 - 5:58 p.m. | drink to illini, baby!

I got the best spam today! It's for this site, http://drink.to/illini, which I guess is supposed to help people find alcohol and hormones at college (or possibly friends to attend your shitty lame party). This seems wrong on so many levels. One, how hard is to find hormones and alcohol at college?! Two, who wants to find them on the INTERNET?! And can we really trust any parties posted on this page? "Lesbian Slut Fest 2003?! Well, this has to be real! And I'm invited!" But besides that, the page rocks. The javascript trail of letters is bitchin', of course (PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR! ON THE INTERNET!), and the pictures really show you what you're in for. 1 and 11 are my favorites. Also, whoever wrote "cock" on that guy's back is king among men.

The best part is, not everyone got this exclusive party secret! Look at the fine print:

"This is a one-time mailing. You are not on a mailing list, but have been chosen to receive this because you are a known leader in your community. UIUC parties reminds you to drink responsibly, and only if you are over 21." [And then there's this fat little fart face that I think means they were joking about the 21 and responsibly parts]

So, if you didn't get this exclusive e-mail, don't worry. As your known leader, I will keep you updated on all internet parties to come.