01/03/2003 - 11:31 p.m. | off or on or on or off or on

"Why should she be the one who decides whether it's off or on or on or off or on?"

Honestly, after tonight's conversation with Lis, I've practically decided to never be indecisive or passive-aggressive again. I just gotta say what I want, even if it's retarded or if other people may not like it. At least they'll know and discussion can be made. Compromises and stuff. I mean, if I let it, it can kill me to make a decision, but once I do, it gets the ball rolling (even if that means Lis begrudgingly agreeing to it, with a bit of guilt... then altering my plan so that is the exact opposite of where we started). It's not such a bad arrangement. It's what I wanted the whole time: an honest opinion about what to do. You just have to forest the trees or some shit!

Now that it's all out of the way, though, I can stop worrying and look forward to the trip! I'm just a little nervous about riding the El alone (because it's always nice to have someone to confer with), but I think I'll be okey dokey! I'll let you know tomorrow (unless the hobos eat me)!

On other paranoid fronts, I wish I could convince myself that she isn't annoyed of me... I dunno - it's a winter break fear, less a summer break one (considering the Taiwan trip last year, I guess).

Hey, sorry... I probably shouldn't have written all this. It was right after the fact, and now that I've had an hour to calm down I can kinda see how hypocritical it was. I mean, the entry itself is passive aggressive, right? Yeah, stupid of me. Anyway, I didn't mean to make the impression that Lis is any worse than I am. We're a lot alike: indecisive, emotional, sometimes passive-aggressive... Just gonna try to work at it, so that we can get stuff done, you know? I was a little frustrated, and I tend to toss ideas out without as much thought as should've been given... So I prolly need to work on that, too :)