11/08/2002 - 12:46 p.m. | the future

So, I've been thinking about careers lately, and there are 2 I think I could totally kick ass at: housewife or store owner. I mean, I'm a relatively neat person, so I'd be able to keep the house always clean, and if there were kids that needed taking care of, that'd be fun (I'd help them on school projects, but not tooo much!), and there'd be lots of time to go jogging or read or watch movies or browse random stores and cook (I'd like more practice cooking). I'm sure it would gradually drive me insane, but it'd be a good long run. Store owner would be infinitely cooler, though. And by store owner, I mean I'd have my own store where I could just do what I want. It'd be a cross between Uncle Fun in Chicago and that really neat toy store up in Stratford, Canada. It'd just be filled to the brim with random piles of weird stuff. Like, you know how I'm always looking for an import of something or another (eg UmJammer Lammy doll?)? Yeah, I'd go to Japan and just buy piles of that stuff and bring it back here and sell it to dorks like me... And skinny 80s ties and dumb t-shirts and maybe even homemade stuff (robot suits?). I'd blast annoying music all day (see mix CD), and there'd be theme days (pirate day, big stupid mustache day), and if I decided to hire help, they'd have to be enthusiastic enough about stuff like that but still able to be sarcastic and forceful if necessary. I'd need a good location, I guess. Somewhere where people would actually care about visiting occasionally.

Strangely enough, these are my rational dreams. My other dream is to become a writer on Conan, and we'd become friends, and he'd let me be his new sidekick, and the people would resent me at first (adversity), but they'd grow to love me, and when Conan retired, he'd leave the show to me. That's my backup plan.