09/29/2005 - 8:42 p.m. | i've got to get back to Universal Studios..

OK, so I discovered a man who makes my own nerdiness seem absolutely fucking superficial by comparison. Of course, I stumbled upon him looking for pictures of Jimmie Walker from "Good Times," so that could be debated, but just follow me here.

This nerdy motherfucker Mark Shields is so obsessed with Back to the Future that he not only fucking made his own poorly-acted addition to the series*, he also fucking bought this crazy overhauled Delorean someone built, meticulously-constructed by that other psycho to exactly resemble the time machine from the movie. Time circuits, flux capacitor and all.

*wherein he straps random parts to his Toyota Corolla and travels back in time to 1987 in order to replace a broken "prom glass," whatever that may be.

(There are also complex charts explaining just how time travel works, "white holes," unstable singularities, and insane animated diagrams. Good stuff, Mark, except it's from a fucking made up movie!)

I'm trying to think of a good way to mock him, but I secretly think this is so fucking cool I can't even believe it. If I all of a sudden got very wealthy, you know the first thing I'd do was fucking mack out a Delorean (or my station wagon) to resemble the time machine and then drive around all blasting Huey Lewis and the News all smug and proud. Unfortunately, this will take a serious amount of means, as the time circuits alone cost $1,500.

BUT WE HAVE DREAMS NOW, DON'T WE