12/17/2004 - 1103347429 | and you're probably gonna write what you didn't see

Dear Diary,

I last wrote only two days ago! Aren't I great?! AREN'T I? In other news, yesterday was the first time I had showered in four days. It was most unpleasant. Not the showering - the being unshowered. I thought trimming my hair the day before would help, but it didn't. Mostly I fear it left me with a bald spot, but that rumor is unsubstantiated. I had a dream last night that I was actually at the school where I cross the guard, but I was talking to some kid on some stoop, and fat bitch came up and started yelling me like I was all horrible or something for being late. Then, as I crossed people, suddenly dozens of them (grownups as well) just came flooding by, and I thought, "What an odd day this is turning out to be." It would seem I am not smart enough to figure out when I am in a dream, even if it is sunny and 80 degrees out. Apparently months of suffering make for some fine pity come the holiday season because I have been getting all sorts of bonuses. Most of them are chocolate, but the PTA gave me a $25 Meijer gift card and Strange Religious Girl gave me an assortment of teas. I like tea a lot, but I fear it may be laced with LSD in an effort to actually get me to see our Lord and Savior, and thus start lighting altars or whatever it is that Catholics do.

There are 2 finals remaining to me, but I remain as surprisingly unworried as ever. Here is an interesting theory, guys: The time I start being "mean" (as girls call it) coincided pretty much with when I started noticing the Zoloft working. So, there's your double-edged sword, folks: I am not crazy, but now I am suddenly lacking in regard for your "feelings" or my "schoolwork." Missy maintains that I am actually a good person and that this is a merely a conscious effort on my part, some sort of defense mechanism (Shelly: "duh i told her that myself") Psych classes make us all so clever.

Anyway, I've been studying for finals on and off, then taking them. The retardation one wasn't too bad - as always, I opted use my five free questions to skip those beginning with "In lecture..." or "In the video..." The research one today sort of sucked, partially because it dealt a lot with statistical analysis, and I'm still no great shakes with the stats. Moreso, though, I was preoccupied with other, bitchier concerns. I left for class half an hour early, but traffic was absolutely horrible and so, so slow, and I couldn't find parking anywhere, so then I just went in some random lot. So I got to class late thinking of all these horrible scenarios, like how I wouldn't have enough time to finish the test, so I'd have to miss crossing the guard, and I didn't have my phone on me because it was charging, so they'd just fire my ass. Or, I'd leave early and have to skip some of the test, but then I'd get to the lot, and my car would be towed, so I still couldn't get there and couldn't even get a ride because, again, I didn't have my phone, and I sure as hell don't know anyone's number.

But everything worked out fine.

I accidentally wandered into the backyard of a sorority, though and had to climb a chain link fence. I feel like such a vandal. Spritz convinced me to "go out" Wednesday night, which actually entailed sitting at Brytne's and drinking the... confusing spiked cider I bought on clearance (Is it good? Bad? I can't tell!). We tried watching this odd British movie about vaccuum cleaner salesmen, but no one could follow, and people just kept dropping off the face of the earth. I convinced Kitty and Andy to go to Schnucks with me, for I desperately needed some fucking chunky clam chowder. Shelly then convinced me to "go out" Thursday night, which was fucking weird because it was this grownup party for all these people she worked with. She needed me as a date, I guess, because Kyle was busy studying - watching pro bowling on ESPN - and everyone knows I know everything already. And because her friend Sotiri wanted to get with some chick but needed to acceptably bring her as a date first, which required the situating of a double date. As usual, I decided that this chick (who was sort of hot) probably would have liked to have been with me more, just because I am so charming and pithy. Anyway, it was certainly an odd environment to be in - so subdued and quiet and unlike college parties. For instance, food was actually available!! More than a little awkward with all the adults about, but the wine was good, so I helped myself. Nate likes his Smoking Loon. Yesterday afternoon Andy and I put together pretty much the entirety of my costume for his upcoming movie. Have I told you about it? Well, as far as I can tell, it's a group of professional DDR'ers vs. the Mongolians vs. the Mafia. And I play a depressed Scorpion. Yes. From "Mortal Kombat." We do good work, though. I can't wait to see where this shit goes. Obviously further than this diary entry, I figure. It is Friday night, but everyone has finals tomorrow and will not want to go out. My real one is not 'til 7 pm, though, so I'm all for getting belij. I mostly blame "The Booze News." It makes me want to be a Champaign person. Too bad I am so, so cripplingly ugly.

Ha ha ha. I originally said "crippingly" ugly. That would have gotten the Bloods on my side, but I've tried so hard to stay neutral, you know?