03/30/2004 - 2:19 a.m. | i've evolved; why haven't you?

Perhaps you noticed; I've kind of been in a pissier mood lately. I'm not sure why that is; I mean, nothing's changed. But perhaps that is my answer right there. I'm edging closer to the point where I don't want to talk to anybody again, and I know that's definitely not a good sign. I'm just not being very likeable right now. I just don't know how everyone does it, you know? So many of the things that people talk about seem so, so insipid that I wonder how they themselves aren't going nuts over it in the same way I would be. Just... all this trite nothingness, talking just to talk. I guess it's like dancing; you're not supposed to think about what a jackass you look like. And I've always been very aware, if anything. Making conversation makes me feel guilty, I think. But then I feel guilty for not making it either.

Here is a thought: I have a job interview tomorrow. Get nice. Fast.

I was also thinking that although (or because) I readily admit my flaws, I have a lot of trouble apologizing for them. I can be so stupidly stubborn and childish. Dunno. Anyway, my day: Waking up at 7:30 seemed like nothing all over again. I guess that will fade fast. Although the weather is getting nicer, there still aren't all that many kids out, to both me and other lady's dismay (Shame on me for not remembering her name, by the way). We talked more than we usually did, and I realized (too late perhaps) that I probably should have applied at Cowboy Monkey. My theoretical career as a bartender could have begun right there. Because I'm such a people person, you see. Funny how I go back and forth like that, right? OK, more obnoxious than funny, I suppose.

I got a lot of sleep but am still tired. I'll never understand my circadian rhythms. Well, besides the fact that they are influenced by the hormone melatonin, which is produced in the pineal gland. I feel myself growing wiser by the instant. I was woefully late for lab today because UIUC e-mail up and decided to be slow as molasses. I just sat there in the lab as 5, 10, 15 minutes passed by and the little bars on the browser slowly crawled towards 100%. I drew a surprisingly accurate Kool-Aid Man from memory and then made him dance around, softly crying, "OH YEAH!" whenever I thought it wouldn't garner too much attention. Today in lab we talked about hormones, in particular in relation to sex and rats. In rats, all the mating decisions are made by the female. Male rats are ready to mount (their term, not mine) pretty much all the time, but if the female is not in the right stage of her menstrual cycle, she'll kick his ass if he tries anything. Sometimes, when a female rat is nearing this correct stage, she starts these sort of flirtations to let the male know that she is ready to go. She darts around sporadically and then pauses to violently wiggle her ears. The experienced male rats (the "studs") will pick up on these signals whereas the inexperienced rats (the "duds") will have no idea what the hell is going on and just kind of spaz out or cower in terror. Something about all of this seemed strangely familiar, but let's move on. As part of the experiment that we're going to be doing with these rats, someone has to stick a little eyedropper full of water into the vagina of each rat (well, the female ones... DOY!) and pump some water in and out to get a sample of vaginal cells. They say it is "non-invasive;" sounds pretty much like the definition of invasive to me. Thankfully, none of us have to worry about this job; the duty falls on the head of the weird, socially-inept head TA. Like, she tries to be friendly and make jokes, but they just sort of come off as insulting or mean or condescending or something. Sort of a Harve-ish quality to her in that respect.

Here's a fun thought for you: When a group of women are living together for a while, in a college dorm say, they eventually start having their menstrual cycles at the same time, due to pheromones in sweat and urine in the air. Charming thought, really. 30 girls in close quarters, all PMSing at the same time. Isn't science grand? But, pheromones can be important for groups, too. Koko the gorilla (you know, the one who knows sign language?_ won't reproduce with her guy friend gorilla because she isn't a part of some harem. Nature is messed up.

I just read this chat transcript that they had a while back with Koko. She rules. People ask her what she likes to do, she says "pink" followed by "nipple juice" and runs off to stare out the window. Then the doctor tries to explain that Koko was being abstract about nature or some shit. I think Koko is a sham. But I like how she has a toy alligator and a kitten. And she made a video with Robin Williams. Insert your own joke about which one is hairier.

I've got a test on Thursday, and I was all concerned about studying and having enough time and shit and how I might not be able to go out on Wednesday and how often is it that I really want to go out, right, and then I read all the material in like an hour. So much for work for the week. Also, so much for tonight, since most of that was spent watching everyone play "Dr. Mario" while Shelly brought down the plague of pink eye upon our household. And then a burrito! Kyle's brother buzzes. "Hello?" *BUZZ* "Who is it?" *BUZZ* "No, see - who IS it?" "I think you've got the wrong room!" *BUZZ* Genes don't lie. I've been talking to random people on AIM, giving them advice about whatever and trying to bring them all closer to my standard of perfection. Is this twisted? I hope not. I should ask them what they like to do or whatever, but I try to get to the nitty gritty as soon as I can, and it does seem I have a knack for that. If there's one thing I think I may be, it's a good listener. Hopefully. I need that.

I have been trying to track down this singer/actress named Cherry Lou, and she is nearly impossible to find anything about. She is cute, though, and she needs an undying fan. Er, not that I am immortal or anything. So, let the letter writing extravaganza begin! Or sleepy.