03/19/2004 - 4:48 a.m. | i was playin' it so loud the whole neighborhood could hear

Pardon me for being just a little ticked off, but it's like the whole world started to take a shit on my head in like the last few hours. Fine, rejection, rejection. That's not so bad, even if it is in the way I certainly hate the most. But it's like, because I am capable of feeling guilt, all of a sudden it feels like it's being used against me. Lisa wrote something in her diary about something mean I said and she was really angry, except I did not say it, and Michelle really wanted me to apologize for someone stepping on her DVD because I left it on the floor on top of the case. I honestly did not see how it was my fault because I was not intentionally disrespecting her property like she seemed to imply. I treat my own property the same way. And mostly it's just cumulative. And I wonder why I can't make friends. Maybe they pass memos around or something. The week alone will do me some good. And I just cannot stop coughing. I try to hold it in like a sneeze or something, but it explodes out in horrid ways. And I really do not want anyone to hate me, but it feels like the bias is already there and that everyone thinks I'm a pile of crap already, and that just sort of hurts my feelings. I'm down, is all, I guess, and I would like to feel good about myself, but the cards are a little stacked right now. I hope a lot that tomorrow is better. The problem is that I am more or less an OK guy, so I do usually have remorse. But then I still have a hard time apologizing because... well, not sure why.