01/02/2004 - 2:01 a.m. | and if something's lost in translation, i know i shouldn't take it so personally

OK, rested now, and hopefully this entry will pass a little faster, for reasons you shall soon understand. We did not exactly get an early start yesterday. Up after noon, and then a third of our party was not ready at any given time. Ducky'd be watching VH1's "100 Most Shocking Celebrity Moments" (Incidentally, upon learning that the lead guy from Queen had died of AIDS, we ended up hearing like 5 Queen songs throughout the day... Scary!) or Bill would be frantically running about, trying to find items for his Flava Flav costume. I must give him props, though - the clock necklace and boombox were superb. Finally, though, we got on our way...

...to get Bill's oil changed. Superb! With some time to spare, we headed to Culver's. Ducky got a bread bowl of chili (a chilling sign) and proved himself a disgusting monster (I mean, lovable!), and my "Concrete Mixer" tasted like sour milk. In the end, we got on the road at around 3. Only three and a half hours to go! Ya-hooooo!

Ducky made it a point to consider the journey down here a vicious competition and made numerous threats a la Days of Thunder to take the inside and drive Bill into the wall. There was no wall, and I didn't exactly know what he was talking about, but I enjoyed myself. Apparently lacking a handle on my bodily functions, I caused us to stop twice - once near LaSalle so's I could pee and buy an electronic lighter with puppies on it and closer to campus later when my tummy mysteriously exploded. Again, it is the price I pay for my size. I sprinted into the rest area and instantly pooped out something with the size and appearance of about half my brain. All at once. I wish I had a picture, but I am sure you do not.

After a couple CDs, Ducky and I decided we would scan radio stations until we heard two songs: Dido's "White Flag" and Outkast's "Hey Ya." Just to prove how unfair the world is, we heard the former three times and the latter no times at all. However, we did hear Kelis' "Milkshake" twice, which more than makes up for it in my mind. We dropped the Everclear off at Yousaf's. You ponder that for a minute.

I was welcomed back to school with the apartment exactly the same as I had left it. I mean, exactly. The garbage piles hadn't shrunk at all, but at least they hadn't grown. We call this a plus. The most welcoming sight was that of a new Avril poster, with a sign of more to come. Mm-hmm. Then I don't know what. Bill ate ramen and drank a gin martini, which is impressive in its horror, I suppose. People started arriving and before long we had Kyle, Brytne, Spritz, Jen, Smacko, Emmy, Dale, Ducky, Bill, AJ, and AJ's brother whose name I never caught. It's weird... When I'm in good form, I'm so likable. I was dancing and doing Binaca tricks and talking a lot more than I usually do, and no one seemed annoyed. Am I well-liked? Perhaps. Just not like liked.

Incidentally, everyone seemed to like my 80's outfit just as regular thing. Who knew a pink buttoned-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, an orange skinny tie, and tan jeans were sexy? Not my words, mind you.

We ran out to get supplies to the sounds of the Streets, then entirely forgot these supplies as we headed to the party. Well, I did remember my ungodly expensive fourpack of Redbull; I just forgot to drink it or bring it back here with me. Damnmit. Our party gained a Bash with a Gamecube as we proceeded, which is something in itself. We arrived at the party and yeah... lame. ONCE AGAIN, I convinced myself that Maly's party wasn't gonna suck balls, and ONCE AGAIN, it did. I dunno - it was almost entirely IMSA people, which is a double-edged sword. I mean, I know everyone, so I don't have to worry about being anxious, but I know everyone, so everyone's all hooked up and same old, same old. I'll just pray that some sociable psych hotties will find me charming next semester, and I will be able to introduce us into a new social circle. Bloody fucking right.

I guess it wasn't too horrible at first. Most people drank to forget how crappy it was; I sang. We got Maly to hook up his microphones in the basement, and I started singing in rotation with Bill and Kyle. This kept me occupied for a while, for if I don't have talent, I at least have energy. But Maly noticed we were having fun and made it his aim to destroy it, first by yelling about the neighbors or something and then (even worse) playing his guitar. I left with Spritz and Jen shortly thereafter. I did miss Bash throwing up all over himself, which I am told was a sight, but I can live without that memory, I think. Man! Saw Sarah Lucas in a cocktail dress! Words cannot describe; all I can do is sort of bite my hand in an odd pose. And she dates some shaggy stoner guy. There's a reason to start smoking.

Watched "Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve" to completion. Did I mention how lame my night was?

Ringin' in the year with Hall and Oates. Arg. Kyle, Brytne, Smacko, Emmy, and Dale came back later on, and we watched the South Park movie, which was thankfully uncensored. My life will not be complete until I hear "fuck" used as casually on television as it is in real life.

Then I slept a long, long time, occasionally interrupted by a few sounds from the outside world: Kyle and Brytne rushing to work last minute, Ducky and Bill stumbling in at around 8 this morning, various arguments about UO, sleeping positions, bubble wrap (AJ made a nest of it to sleep in), and the like. Bill poked his head in. "Hey - you still using your bed?" "Yes." "Okay... Hey - we stole a hubcap last night!" "Neat." Now, where was I?

Crawled into the living room (which appeared to have exploded during the course of the night) at around 2. We all sat around and talked of the night's events for a while, and then people started disappearing. Bill left - and the fucker owes me $2. Actually, he owes me $12, but I made a $10 bet with him about a line from "The Simpsons" and until I actually see the episode in question, he gets diddily. So if he wants his camera back, he should probably mail me a couple bucks as well. Then Smacko, Emmy, and Dale. Ducky hung out for a while but after taking a large poo, he left too. Just us again. Kyle tried to sleep for a while as I made my first stab at a diary entry. Unfortunately, he soon went into his room and sent me this link. Time stopped. For once, my computer sucking nuts has its advantages; the game is so much easier to play in slow motion. So, I couldn't continue writing until I got to the point where the game would play itself self-sufficiently. This took about 3 hours. So much for my day. IT'S AUTOMATIC! I am a nerd, so I will probably post my score in my AIM profile or something. Many stale Cheetos Puffs were eaten. Die.

Eventually, I regained some human function. I helped Kyle and Brytne clean up the apartment so that it looks a little bit presentable. I showered even. Then Spritz and Jen asked if we all wanted to go see Paycheck. Funny how this is. I kept noticing how it's Kyle and Brytne, Spritz and Jen, and Nate, everywhere we go. Is it pity? I hope it's not pity. Well, I guess Allen, Ceci, and Carly (??) showed up as well. I'm just... not the type, you know?

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed Paycheck. I mean, it was pretty ridiculous and had tons of plot holes and weird shots, but the idea behind it was very cool, and it was really entertaining and decently executed. I don't know if I could recommend it to everybody, but I feel happier having seen it. Others were less pleased, but I can't even tell if this was just out of habit or not. And a girl gave me a look as we walked out. That's all I really need anymore. And I don't care if it is my hair or my shirt or whatever. Just so long as I can pretend for half a second. Hey, look! We are finally done! :) Orion's Chin Belt has once again come and gone. Toothpaste works!