11/29/2003 - 12:50 a.m. | my heart exploding words

Scumminess on top of scumminess, that's what today is. And I don't think that's even a word. Man. Mom got me up at about my usual time, and after juuuust a bit of lollygagging, I was gonna go out on a couple of errands. Like I said, I like errands. This was provided I could crawl across the cabinets without touching the floor (it had just been mopped, see) so as to grab the keys and moneys. I am superstar, so I did it, of course.

I took a risk in taking my parents' car. On the one hand, if the CD player was working, I'd have my CDs to listen to, and that's much better than the radio. On the other, if the stereo crapped out as it is now wont to do, it would be a miserable, miserable journey. Good thing I have weird luck. Finally got my damn donuts, then headed to the video store, which took forever. For one thing, I am slow as hell when it comes to choosing what to watch. I finally picked out three and the lady was like, "If you rent three, you get a fourth free!" Back into the fray. So, I start all over in the line again, and since most everyone has the day off, it was much more than the old woman running the computer could handle. Finally, my turn comes. My parents have assured me that my name is on the account. Lady asks my name. Nope, not on the account. So I have to sign up for one. The 20 minute process begins, and I could tell the people behind me were starting to wig out. So, the counter lady is swiping cards, punching things in, blah blah blah. On the plus side, turns out you get $28 worth of free rentals just for signing up. So it was pretty much worth the half hour process. The lady behind me had a chocolate, and I was gonna buy it for as a show of my generous, sorrowful nature, but it was a Ghiradelli's chocolate, and she kept saying it as "Gardelli's," and this will not fucking stand with me. I've been by that factory; I will not pay you to desecrate their name.

Then, because I just love lines and showing how endless my patience is, I walked over to Walgreens to get some orange juice. I think my mom's constant pep talks are starting to get to me because I swear the girl who checked me out was, um, checking me out (greasy hair and all - although I actually like the way my hair smells now... sort of). Luckily, it is still well within my means to shake these positive thoughts. The time will come, I know. And this worries me. Because what's left then? I don't think I'm even afraid of mice anymore.

Home to eat and watch cartoons, namely Lilo & Stitch. I'm gonna be one of those stupid grown up kids, aren't I? Fucking Joey Gladstone, that'll be me. At least I can fully realize my self-hatred then, hmm? Dad came home early, and we put up the tree. *cough* Fake tree. Lights included. Christmas spirit has died; no one cares. Afterwards, Whale Rider. Whales are ugly. Well, the barnacles are. So much for inner beauty. But the girl was cute, and the grandpa reminded me of my own. Not in a good way. Stupid onery old man.

After this, Dad and I were sent out into the tundra to get supplies for tomorrow's Mexican Trivial Pursuit Party!! Do you envy me? What? You don't! You silly thing. Perhaps you are out doing something more exciting, but we've all got to play to our strengths. Mine is not doing anything exciting. I believe we hit three stores, not that this is important. I bought this mystery box at the Mexican grocery store. It was green plastic and very obviously bootlegged 'cause it had pictures of Mario, Christmas Snoopy, Tweety Bird, and possibly the mascot for Chester Fried Chicken on it. Turns out there were markers in it. Asian is a strange and mysterious land.

Home to eat leftovers and watch A Mighty Wind. "Wha' happened?" because that much funnier, really. Still, I don't think I like Christopher Guest's movies as much as most people. Too subtle for my cinder block brain. Then, it was just a matter of killing time until the Kim Possible movie came on. This was done by way of E!'s 101 most shocking celebrity blah blah blah. Countdowns sort of become pointless around the 20th time around. And "Joan of Arcadia," I guess. My worst fears confirmed: I like a show on CBS. About God. Ohs nos. Joan herself is adorable in a completely normal, not too pretty and therefore approachable way. She played Katie in The Ring, and don't you wish you could know stuff like that? Anyway, Kim was awesome, but I wouldn't expect you to get it. You just keep trying to make me like Rena Sofer, sticking her in all these places at weird times. And I do like her striking blue eyes and the contrast of her black hair (perhaps inspiring my own idiotic makeover - her eyes are prettier than mine, though), but she is still a creepy alien, so just stop it. STOP.

I keep thinking maybe if I wait things out, they will just naturally improve on their own and maybe everything will go back to how it was, say, this summer or thereabouts, but I am still consistently an ass, and things I have done keep resurfacing, and apologies have just sort of become worthless because they are so often used. I would consider overacting to get the point across, but then it just seems flippant. Seems the only way out is contrition. I just don't THINK. when it comes right down to it.