11/06/2003 - 2:52 a.m. | five o'clock shadow on my legs

I can't even tell if enjoy Eric's parties (my guess is probably not), but I also do not think I will stop going. I cannot explain this. I mean, I don't go for the drinking, don't go to dance or to talk to anybody, I assume I'm just sort of an annoyance to Spritz. I like sitting in my chair and spacing out. Is that wrong? And I guess I do like to dance when it happens, which is rare. Eric was smashed out of his gourd, but not enough so that he wouldn't talk to me about chemistry. He did dance, however, so the unfiltered humor of that sort of outdoes the assholiness that is him. I feel so bad for any girl that shows up because the guys just swarm on them like so many wasps. Constant "friendly" touching and double entendre and this annoying bit of hope underscoring everything. I dunno - perhaps they liked the attention, but I imagine it would be sort of annoying. Man, Andy's cousin was visiting (Andy, by the way, was completely gone, stumbling about in his pimp costume), and he was an obnoxious, horny little bastard. "Girls, girls, I like girls - get more girls! Let me dance with girls!" So on and so forth. Are all 17 year olds like that? I don't remember being like that. There was very nearly a game of Truth or Dare, and that would have devolved into pure disaster, as people were already getting naked as is. By this I mean Jeanna. She kept screaming how everyone should get naked and how she wanted penises. She could be getting gang raped as we speak. Could it be morbid curiosity? Yeah, maybe. More grape bubble gum now, please. Spritz and I walked home, stopping at Dank's for a little bit. He doorknobbed me, and I would've been totally fucked if he had the energy to run at all. We sang "Safety Dance" instead.

Also, apparently the new Matrix movie sucked balls, so bully for that. There was a time when I thought I was liked. How wrong was I. I am sure, however, that I am cute. Not hot (DEFINITELY not hot) - cute. Maybe not cute in the classic sense. Maybe not even in the quirky sense. But I've got dark hair, pretty eyes, and a light blue t-shirt that's soft and cuddly, so fuck off.