10/28/2003 - 11:48 a.m. | i'm sure you could at least understand it as a literary device

I am a journalistic monster. Actually, not. But it is sort of fun going through the motions. For class this week, I have to interview a journalist of some sort. Not willing to take the assignment entirely seriously (that doesn't sound right - I don't fix it, of course - I just note that it doesn't sound right), I've been trying to track down "weird" writers, e.g. Dave Barry, Dave Eggers, or someone from the "Weekly World News" or something. Anyway, I did some hardcore digging (not really) and on Thursday, I'm gonna interview Maria Schneider, a writer for "The Onion!" I know, it's not really a big deal, but it's kind of cool that you can do shit like this with a little work.

I still don't like journalism, though. :|

Spritz has been creepily lurking around and watching me write this, and he sprayed on soooo much cologne (it's like a fog... "Going for some pussy tonite?" Nate says, in his infinitely clever manner. He is soaked in it. Why is this even an aside?) that I can't stop coughing and I have a headache, and he keeps saying things are "to the extreme" (he's like a fucking Mountain Dew commercial), so he pretty much had to go. Solution? Rub his stomach and sing "I am chub chub" to the tune of "Frere Jacque." He tried to argue, but in the end, I win. Because I won't stop singing.

So, having already accomplished my biggest goal for the day, I was getting sort of hungry and said, "Boy, I want something to eat!" at which point 2 Nutrigrain bars fell out of my coat. God and I seem to have an understanding, as long as I don't ask for too much. Hug please maybe?

I would like to be a TA, but I'm not actually, you know, good at anything. DARN IT.

"Let us now consider how much more cost-effective it would have been for Wilton Knight to have simply given David Hasselhoff a very clever chauffeur, played by William Daniels."

If you understand "Knight Rider," this is very funny. VERY funny.