10/21/2003 - 11:33 a.m. | "i won't go down in history, but i will go down on your little sister"

Finished Dave Sedaris' Barrel Fever. It was all right, I guess - focused a little too much on the gay in my opinion. Yes, we understand. You like the men. My favorite was definitely the title story. I guess I'm always a sucker for stories about smart people completely unaware of the fact that they are fucking up their lives. Quotes that you don't necessarily have to read, but which I am sticking down anyway:

"He grew quiet for a few moments, tapping his fork against the table before lowering his head and telling me in fits and starts that he couldn't have anything to drink. 'I am, Jesus, Dolph, I am, you know, I'm... Well, the thing is that I'm... I am an... alcoholic."

"'Great,' I said. 'Have eight beers.'

"Gill became uncharateristically dramatic, pushing the hair off his forehead. He leaned toward me and said, 'I can't have a drink, Dolph. Don't you understand anything at all? I can't.'

"He said it as though he was the recently paralyzed lead dancer in a made-for-TV movie and I had just commanded him to take the lead in tonight's production of The Nutcracker. I responded, acting along in what I considered an appropriate manner. 'You can do it,' I said. 'I know you can do it. But, oh, you'd rather sit there on that chair and be a quitter. Take the easy way out. That's right - you're a loser, a cripple, but when the lights go up on that stage, when all the other dancers are in place, I want you to know the only thing keeping you in that wheelchair is yourself.'

"Gill's face began to buckle. When he began to sob I realized he wasn't joking. People at the surrounding tables lowered their forks and looked over in our direction. I pointed to our plates and said in a loud whisper, 'Whatever you do, don't order the tandoori chicken.'"

Meanwhile, I am going to name my kid Eightball.

"Nice is a mystery to me because while on some mundane level I aspire to it, it is the last thing I would want a table full of dullards saying about me."

And antics always get me:

"I saw where I had circled and placed seven stars that week's three-part PBS 'Mystery' presentation. At the bottom of the page were a series of oddly arranged numbers, which looked like locker combinations. These matched the numbers of the phone bill, leading me to assume that I must have actually dialed international information and phoned Scotland Yard at the end of each program to congratulate them on another job well done."

We've started investigting houses, and I am really excited. I want a house so much, and it looks like we can get a pretty decent one for less than we're paying now. :D Happy!

Speaking of quotes...

billehcee: sex is way over rated anyways
billehcee: keep on rockin in the free world nate
mrkrazy 11: Which is why I must keep it at bay. You see, I am fighting off the pussy left and right. Despite what you may have heard.
billehcee: haha really?
mrkrazy 11: No.