10/17/2003 - 12:29 p.m. | let the idiot speak

OK! Plenty of purging to do today, diary-uh wise. We are minutes and hours behind, making us speak like the Queen (the royal "we," see?), so let's begin. Most importantly, between Burrill and Morril by Matthews, someone has spray-painted yellow penises all over the place. You should go see that if you can. I would take pictures, but it wouldn't convey the emotion.

Yesterday was Thursday, right, my (cough) easy day, so just imagine things went as planned. Spritz was having some tire issues, so (after Wendy's) we went to Prospect to get it fixed. Tire stores are more boring than anything ever, followed closely by large hardware stores (our second stop), with creepy windowless Circuit City in a close third. We set off some alarms, I think, but so not why you think. Anyway, I have decided that I would very much like some money. Like, quite a bit of it, because there is some cool junk that I would love to have but would never, ever buy unless I just had piles of bills lying around in their peach, blue, and green glory (stupid new money). By the way, IMPE is looking for new employees, so if my life has just seemed like a rocket ride to Excitement Land, you should go apply. Spritz and I discussed making a catapault, which could very well happen as soon as we save up enough for bail fees in advance. We also decided that I should probably start a campus bike messenger service because I would totally have a monopoly on it. I could make fliers and charge like a five dollar base rate per delivery on campus. There are logistical things like insurance and liability that I do not really want to think about, so if someone would like to chime in, I can totally help on the macroeconomic parts. "See, the aggregate demand makes the GDP shift the profit margin useless useless useless." I smart.

After coming back (and going back there and getting a hubcap put on and coming back again), Spritz went to class late and got yelled at, and I did a little work until Kyle got out, at which point we hit Rentertainment. We'll be getting a new 100 block soon enough, but for now, we continued running Kyle's dry, getting May, this horror movie I had heard good things about, and Red Dawn, which I heard very bad things about but which is referrenced in an episode of "Scrubs" and therefore we must watch it. For some reason.

Michelle, her roommate Whitney, and I made a trip to Hobby Lobby (closed - right as we got there) and then Michaels (which had neither fabric nor books on cloth dollmaking, so I failed in my mission). I really want to make things out of clay, but then they would just get broken, and I think they might be happier in clay form. :( We also heard "Stacy's Mom" twice. You can understand my rapture. Hey ya.

As I was telling Spritz, I can understand 4/4 with 7 over top of it, but I could never reconcile. This is besides the point, even though I have not determined that yet. This is turning out to be a weird little entry.

After much waiting on the baseball (the charm of which is so beyond me - give me soccer, you shits!) and then a journey to go get Brytne's yarn and shit, we watched May, which was disturbing and yet really good. It kind of jumped from dark comedy to horror movie to drama and all around, but the mix worked pretty well. Nobody wanted to watch the Disney Channel and yet they were knitting/crocheting, leaving me in charge of the remote, and I seriously don't understand the charm of anything that isn't the Disney Channel, so it was me flipping in a loop and Brytne identifying every show (Was this a hint to watch the particular program? If so, it was ignored). Really, poor task management. Who said I'm empathetic? Eventually, I just went back anyway. Jett Jackson was bit by a rattlesnake, and all it did was make him drunk. Oh - I apparently made a grand social gaffe by not mentioning that Lindy Booth is also a recurring character on "The Famous Jett Jackson." I thought you might not care, but then I was reminded that nobody cares about this junk anyway. Ha ha ha!

Once "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Series" came on, even I have to leave the Disney Empire for a while. Music videos mostly with some "Elimidate," Jury Duty (with Pauly Shore and Tia Carrere!), and infomercials if I can stomach them (along with the week old bread, I mean). I was 2/3 sold on the Mega Memory system. 9 cassete tapes and I'll be able to remember 300%(!!) of what I do now. Think about that. All the song lyrics, all the movie info I have - times three. I will be IMDB. And fucking sing365.com. DON'T LIKE POP-UP? CLOSE IT! Here's an important tip: No matter how old and squishy a lime is, it still will not run through the garbage disposal. Bad smells and fruit flies everywhere. Not to mention the clonking. The pineapple air freshener did not aid in the process.

Michelle is teaching herself to crochet sweaters, and while there is room for improvement in the current model (e.g. not football player sleeves), I am very impressed in her improvisation. Spritz and I had to go on a mission at 3:30, which took about an hour. We shall speak nothing of it. Except this, I mean. I fully intended to go and write an entry once Michelle left (as usual?), but I was sucked into the Biography of Drew Barrymore. Apparently, there is a biographer who just studies her. He looks like a historial - old man in a sport coat with a bowtie - except all he apparently knows is about Drew Barrymore. What an odd career. How does that pay the bills? How does LAS in general?

I know you can tell where my motivations lie. It is blatantly obvious. Sorry!

I woke up... juiced. OK, no. But I got my shit together and got out the door just fine. Except when I printed my rewrite for journalism, I forgot my first draft and turned it in after class. Knowing them, that's a grade off. Damn it. Other than that, I got a B on my exam, which is sort of "eh." Apparently you don't put a comma after the second to last item in a series. Who knew? That was what pissed me off the most, I guess. For next time, we have to write a memoir about some event. I would like to do an ongoing history, like all the vomit I've cleaned up or all the crazy people that deem it necessary to communicate with me and me alone (such a good quality). Econ was, uh, charming. I dunno - the time passes pretty quickly even with me just gaping at nothing in particular. We had a quiz, which was really easy, so hopefully my grade will be nudged upwards some. Came home, ate honey BBQ chips (This I regret), and then zoomed back out for stats. Will and I spent most of the time trying to get to some agreement on our homework, and since I am absolutely retarded most of the time when it comes to work, it was mostly me agreeing with him. We weren't really sure how to justify this one problem about cookies (The cretins behind us didn't know, and neither Will nor I were willing to ask the Viking down the row for us. Her arms were huge! She would absorb my head!), so we drew pictures instead. I did Cookie Monster, and he did the mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, which was adorable as all hell. I smell an A. Came home and ran some errands with Spritz because that is what I am here for. To run errands with you. Keep that in mind. Seriously. Always free. I am sort of sleepy now, and it's not like I've got loads to do, so excuse me if I pass out for a bit.