10/02/2003 - 2:48 a.m. | real entry l8r

BUT YOU
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
YOU'RE UNINVITED

It sucks not being cool. But it's not in my nature in the least. My main problem is that I don't know what I want. Well, I do, but I do not think it is an attainable goal, so I hop around a lot. I wish... yeah, I don't even know what I'd wish for exactly. I mean, I could wish to be more likable or sociable, but then I wouldn't be me anymore, and I don't generally dislike myself. Or I could wish that everyone did like me, but that's not really feasible. And plus, I really do not like situations with a lot of people, and I can't tell if that's 'cause I don't like meeting people or if I really just don't like them. So I sit here and act like a loser, and I can't tell if that's better or worse than trying something I really feel negative towards. Going for honesty is the scariest thing in the whole world because it is easy to imagine how it will blow up in your face.