08/12/2003 - 12:44 a.m. | here's an interesting notion

OK, through a unique combination of natural and synthetic substances, I believe I have discovered the secret to being the world's most perfect sexual being. One, a certain "male enhancer" - let's call it "Latitude" - makes the guy pretty much always ready for action with whomever, whenever. Two, antidepressants often delay the male orgasm almost to the point of annoyance. Women can't complain about that anymore. Three, Mountain Dew, imbibed in vast quantities, lowers sperm count, right? Thus, "natural" birth control. I make the stupidest arguments in the whole world. But now you know what three things to blame it on.