07/19/2003 - 12:52 a.m. | calaboose is a synonym for jail

It's not that my self-esteem is in the gutter. Well, I guess that's exactly it, I suppose. I just don't see how anything could ever work out, and the only thing I can completely rely on is myself, even if it does often seem like I am at odds with me. It's not like I want to cut myself off really, I just don't expect to stay connected. Is this really cynical? Or realistic? Or what? I just... don't make the effort I should maybe? And I can't see how anyone would have the patience to put up with me when I'm like this. Which can be an awful lot. But, alternatively, if there were someone, perhaps I would be less likely to be like this. Is that codependence? Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't have much to sell, even without the crazy. There are millions of other people who could offer everything I could and more, so I hardly feel anyone should waste their time on me. It would just be selfish of me to want that, wouldn't it? I think so... If I can't offer anything, then it's like I'm only out to take... and that's wrong. So I expect to float in and out of stuff through the years. I hope you don't mind.