07/08/2003 - 1:09 a.m. | i'd like to thank you all for nothin' at all

OK, let's get this weekend thing going! Lightning speed! Whee-cha!

On Friday, I woke up at 11 or something and started reading. No, not for pleasure. Not for econ either. For fucking Dungeons & Dragons. Somewhere along the way it was decided that we were going to start playing the nerdiest of games. Fine, that's fine. I mean, spending a couple hours doing that isn't much worse than video games or whatever, right? Well, it was also decided that, being the "creative one" (or something), I get to be Dungeon Master (DM from now on because I am not proud of this title). It's one thing to sit around and play; it's a completely different one to spend all of one's free time developing plots and maps and cities and tales of adventure and chivarly. Any vestiges of cool on me are destroyed. So, I've begun the process of learning. "I've got a Dungeon Master's Guide / I've got a 12 sided die" Woop woop. The guide was expensive as hell too. It's like I'm paying to get shunned!

So, I read for a while and conked out (somehow talk of Dex rolls and halfling bards doesn't keep me entirely enthralled) and by 1, everyone was more or less awake, if not shining beacons on energy. Vomit. It was decided that we were to go to the parade. This required a death march down to Florida (the avenue, not the state - close enough, though) in the sweltering weather. No one was too happy, but at least the parade might have candy and shit. Wrong. No candy (some littering ordinance or something) and as far as parade's go, it was no better than little old Sheridan's. And that's not a good sign for a town like 10 times the size of Sheridan. So forgive me if I'm pissed.

We walked back to PT, and it was more of the same. D & D, Mario 3, torti(lla chips - my new staple). I don�t know specifically what happened. We sat around and did our thangs, I guess. Time has kind of all smooshed together. Instead, let us extol on the merits of Boot Mario (e.g. he fucking rocks). Actually, I don�t have too much to say about him, but he hops around in a cute little boot and kicks ass, so no complaints. Please take time to appreciate this picture, as it took forever for me to make. Also, it may be a boxing glove and not a boot, but then my hilarious alt tag wouldn't work:

Brytne went off to work, and we pretty much stayed status quo for a while� until we got everyone all riled up with the idea of finding all of those shitty little black snakes that we could, putting them in a garbage can, dousing them with lighter fluid, and then igniting them, presumably forming one gigantic anaconda shitty black snake or something. Also, running the streets in a robot suit, waving sparklers wildly? Yes, that is a very good idea. I know. As we were heading out the door to do these things, however, we noticed real fireworks in the sky and decided to find their origin. After some cruising around, we ended up right near the tennis courts where they were igniting them. Closest I�ve ever stood to fireworks! They seemed to explode right over me; I got pelted with ash and other fireworks chunks pretty much constantly. It was great! And if the parade wasn�t such hot such, the fireworks definitely were. The finale (arg � everyone speaks of the finale) was just tremendous. Nonstop explosions just a football field away. Yay, America.

Anyway, from there, we went out looking for snakes in pretty much every place imaginable. I was spokesman because, well, because everyone hates me, I assume, but almost no place had snakes and those that did had them in big ass packs of other shitty fireworks that we didn�t want at all (and they wouldn�t sell us just the snakes out of them). After doing this for much longer than I�d care to share, we got some groceries, picked up Brytne from work, and went to Perkin�s for a meal of some sort. The table next to ours was filled with first class cretins: screaming baby, retard in big Uncle Sam hat, idiot laughing people. Really makes you glad this country was founded. As always, the food was slow in coming and pretty expensive, but pie and coffee are well worth it, I�ve found. Brytne kept trying to tickle me, the hateful monster. As we were waiting in line, some self-righteous idiot was arguing with the cashier about his bill. He had ordered some burger and shake combo, except he didn�t get the correct burger, so the combo wasn�t valid, and they charged. He was soooo angry over that extra 2 dollars. He made a deliberate point to do everything as pissily as possible: whip out the credit card, sign angrily, toss the bill aloofly, cry, �I�m never eating here again!� and storm out. Now, obviously, this needed to be laughed at, so we took care of that, making it that much harder for the cashier to actually seem concerned (she told us this herself). Ladies and gentlemen, stop being assholes. We had to say goodbye to Frankie then :( (he had to carpool about 30 people around the state as far as I can tell) and then we renewed the search for the snakes. Nothing nothing nothing. Well, Brytne got a �Kracker Blaster� with a picture of an amused black kid on it. Appropriate. And I got some springy eyes for Roomba (once I get him, of course � and I still am! Dammit!)

We returned to PT in defeat after 1, but were quickly cheered by �South Park� and stuff. Everyone began dropping off to bed, except good ol� Yousaf and Nate, who stayed up at watched anime until 6 or so. It was called �Golden Boy,� and it was surprising good. It�s about this temp worker kid who goes around studying the world. He�s insanely horny and is always running into these misproportioned girls with whom he wants to get bizay. They eventually do to � thanks to his smarts and all � but he�s gone by then. I don�t do it justice. You should watch. In my groggy journey to bed (floor), I couldn�t find my contact case, so I just labeled some glasses of water �DO NOT DRINK.� And they say we aren�t brilliant.

I�m sort of a bed scavenger. I got up for a little and read at 11 or so, but once Kyle and Brytne left for her job interview, I took over Kyle�s bed and crashed there. When I woke up, there were donuts and pineapple-orange juice awaiting me, so not bad shit at all. Usual routine (D & D, Mario) while Kyle and Yousaf made their nearly-patented bacon, egg, and cheeseburgers � on Hawaiian buns! With mediocre hash browns :D They�re nuts about them, but I wasn�t big on the egg or the buns. I�m sure Kyle will start screaming at me as soon as he reads that. There�s such a thing as being overly opinionated. My clothes all smell like bacon, by the way. Meanwhile, Brytne argued with her mom on the phone. From my standpoint, it was hilarious. From others, I bet it wasn�t so much.

Some point along the way, we watched the other of our 2 movies: Yousaf�s pick, the �better than The Matrix (which I was never completely engrossed with � more yelling from Kyle)� Equilibrium. Martial arts with guns is silly (and not so well-executed), but I guess I can accept it as a b-movie sort of thing. I was annoyed by pretty much everyone decision Christian Bale�s character made � and his little prick son. Point sfor Emily Watson, but big losses for fucking Taye Diggs. Yes, we all know you�re how Stella got her groove back. I don�t seem to care. Every role makes me hate you. Stop doing that, dummy. Worked on a turban for Spritz, inspiring us to cinematic greatness.

Brytne had to go to work � again � and in the meantime, everyone tried to shower and get themselves shipshape again. Then we took the wagon out :D (helmet included � there is nothing better seeing Kyle and/or Yousaf forced to wear a helmet) and hit a few places. They got �Killer Instinct� for the SNES at Game Exchange (forgive me if it�s really got some wicked rad spelling like �Game X-CHANGE!!!!�), and I got a bigass wall scroll of Tifa. Giggle. We hit Radio Shack, and I fell in love with this flat keyboard that I will almost surely buy the next time I see it. Stupid Nate. Rocked Borders, but they didn�t have The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I�ve been looking for for a while. Lots of D & D books, though. >:O I deny this side of my nature. I really do. Back to PT to kill time until we gotta pick Brytne up again. And then the drinking resumes. Supplies are painfully low now. It�s, like, tequilla or nothin�. And not many seem to enjoy choking down Mr. Cuervo. We make a run to the Colonial Pantry in an effort to find stuff that would make it taste non-ass (impossible) and walk outside into a sudden downpour. I sprint back, but everyone else ends up in this garage with a pot-smokin� hobo as far as I can tell. It was enjoyable enough rain, though � especially since we were out of it shortly thereafter.

Everyone fizzled off to bed, leaving Yousaf and me to our anime � except I was pretty sleep myself. Darn. So I didn�t get to see the last two episodes. Gave up trying chairs at all and crashed directly on the floor. Stole Kyle�s bed again the next morning. All good. Everyone slept late (except Brytne, who had to work again - and by extension, Kyle) and we watched a �Married With Children� marathon. So crappy, but I think that is it�s charm. It looks very homemade, like anyone could�ve tossed it together. Later on (following showers and generally uselessness, i.e. �Starcraft�), Yousaf, Kyle, Spritz, and I all went to the mall, where I began with a very modest purchase of two Avril Lavigne posters. This has gone out of proportion. Spritz got another shirt that looks like all of his shirts, and that was more or less it. Investigated Dry Ice some more, and I want one of these pillows more than ever. Donations welcome. We went to Asiana for lunch or some meal about then (hitting Walgreens first for cash, and in my case, pink lemonade lip balm�� fag). I enjoyed the magic miso, and my chicken teryaki was pretty good in itself. Back to the apartment then for a final session of relaxation before getting ready to go. We picked up Brytne again (took lots longer, but there was an insane man driving 2 mph randomly through the parking lot in a rusty shit station wagon with the bumper sticker �EAT MORE CHEESE� � also Fastball), a few dozen more stops, and then it was time to say goodbye. :( I miss it already. The drive home was pretty pleasant, even through a mild storm (nothing like tonight�s death tempest), and that�s approximately it. I�m sure I missed tons, but I wrote even more, so it evens out.

Well, that took about as long as expected. You'd better appreciate it. Or not. I'm tired.