04/03/2003 - 11:46 a.m. | not good... not not good

Good morning. I am getting a bad vibe about this party. This is not good. I started getting a bad vibe about Moosehead once upon a time, and it made me crazy. This is starting much earlier than that one. Perhaps I am worried that I can't back out anymore. I invited Justin, and if I did freak out, I honestly would just have to take it because it is very rude to invite someone to a party and then abandon them, being their only connection to anyone else. So, there's that. And it's sort of a self-perpetuating cycle. Like, I think there's a bad vibe, so I worry about me being worrisome and what if there is a vibe and what could it be and so on, and that just worries me more. Honeslty, I'm already feeling not up to it. You know that little logical voice in my head that can at least try and establish order? I don't know where he is right now. This worries me. And that's the whole problem right there.

I'm contemplating a video journal, as I have a camera. Maybe next year, though, once I have a room of one's own.