01/19/2003 - 4:13 a.m. | MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE

Honestly, I feel so ignorant sometimes. And normally, I'm fine enough with that. I've never been the type to be filled with passion, and I guess that's sort of a shame. But you have to know stuff to care, and you have to care to want to know the stuff in the first place. I guess it's kind of your choice: do you just focus on your own existence or do you try and make yourself worldly? I still don't know what I'm doing, but I can tell you what side I have been leaning towards in the last... however many years of my life. It's apathy, I think. It's so easy to be selfish and so hard to care about those not directly connected to you. I mean, I can always just say, "Oh, I'm not good at it," but is that really the case or am I just using that as the most convenient excuse? I could be good. I could do all sorts of things if I put my mind to it, but I just take the path of least resistance - the things I "enjoy..." Do I really enjoy them, or is it just that they're the easist? And who knows how good I really am... Do I have any marketable skills?

Oh, God - what am I going to do with my life?