10/20/2002 - 12:23 p.m. | normal adventure

So, now that I've got a good 4 hours of sleep under my belt, I can relate our little excursion to Normal to you.

I got a lot of sleep during the day, so I didn't have much time before we went. Went with Lis to Art Coop to get more expensive sheets of paper, went out to dinner with Lisa and Jubilee at Courier (they practically got in a brawl over who was gonna pay the bill - oh, and Eric Szczneiak apparently told her he was on the football team :D), walked to the video store after Jube dropped us off and rented Happenstance (with Audrey Tautou from Amelie in it - it was sort of like Serendipity but with a better plot and no Cusack >:o), stumbled upon Jube's car and left her a creepy note (to see the picture she included, go to ditto.com, do a search for "ham," and look for the old man), watched the movie and "Trading Spaces," ran out to buy Lis a samich, came back here and played Parappa (I'm up to Pink Hat level now!) 'til it was time to go.

As always, these journeys (and our purpose) become less and less pure and more and more preorchestrated idiocy as time passes. Only few constants remain - me riding shotgun, Alanis, Steak 'n Shake, Kyle, ridiculous timeframe.

This time, Spritz and Yousaf came along, and Spritz drove us in his big red SUV. As far as stealthmobiles go, big red SUVs do not do so well. Every time you open the door, lights go on, bells rings, etc.

We picked up Yousaf at 1ish - he brought along Water Joe (caffeinated water) and BAWLS (extra caffeinated soda). Since I wasn't up for the eyeball explosion that is caffeine overdose, I only had a little bit of the water. The ginseng, on the other hand, worked like a charm. At around 4 or so, when I normally would be getting really groggy, I was completely (ahem) normal. Not sleepy, not crazy overabundance of energy, no melty eyes - just regular Nate energy. We picked the perfect time to go 'cause all the drunks (well, it was 1:15, so all the drunks who are reluctant to leave) were finally coming home. Crowded with idiots who cross the street at their own damn pace, green light or not. Assholes.

Anyway, drove to Bloomington, listening to Spritz's "Bands Our Band Shoulda Covered" mix. It was, um......... Got to Bloomington about 45 minutes later. Drove around for a while trying to get to Normal. See, I'm the only one who had ever been in the area before, and that was only the one time. In addition, I was also the only one with any sense of direction at all, and I don't pay attention to street signs. I drive by landmarks, which makes things confusing for everyone else.

Anyway, after a drive through the ghetto-ish part of Bloomington (and past a laundromat with a creepy guy who we kept considering to ask directions), we made some good guesses and got back on the right road. We stopped for gas and got directions to Denny's (and Spritz peed all over the bathroom >:o) but saw a Steak 'n Shake along the way and stopped there instead. I had meat or something, very narrowly avoiding the Chili 3-Way that Kyle recommended. We stiffed the lady on tip, I think (bus your tables, you monster!) and saw Steve Buscemi's older brother Mike Buscemi. He "worked" there, by which I mean sat around, and he looked very decrepit - except for his EARS!! Weird. Also a hot girl, by which I mean she bent over a lot. And Grey Butt, whom Kyle wrote a song about. Kyle writes a lot of songs.

After that, we stole a lot of stuff. And I do mean A LOT. We'd already stolen a couple of lawn things earlier (Yousaf went for the first time), but the limits of our madness... God. So, we all kind of had our roles. Spritz was driver, Kyle was marauder ("oaf" - the one who smashes stuff with the crowbar to try and dislodge and then hauls the stuff back), Yousaf was rookie assistant marauder, and I was lookout. Now, you might think I'd be a terrible lookout, but it seems to be my gift. I spot things no one else notices. "Look - a donkey flowerpot" "Look - wooden dog with Frisbee from taxidermist" "Look - fisher boy" For some reason, I am very good at noticing tiny weird shit. This, along with my sense of direction, has made me sort of an integral part of this time.

Yes, I am sort of proud. But also conflicted. Because I'm like good at it, but it's a terrible thing to be good at, and if it weren't for me, they wouldn't have stolen so much probably. And it's like I feel awful for the people we're stealing from, but I get a sick, giggly rush every time. I am weak human being. I apologize. Teenage Nate vs. Adult Nate, and Teen is winning :( RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE

If you ever need proof of the fact that I'm farsighted, take the example of the cul-de-sac. We went into some cul-de-sac, and there were hilarious statues and shit at each house. So, we decided to fan out and each bring something back. Unfortunately, as I ran closer, I completely lost sight of the object I was shooting for, so I didn't have time to get it. I'm not a field player, I guess.

Anyway, we drove around for a long time and got a lot of shit we shouldn't have. Wooden owl, heavy ass fishing boy (Kyle got it back to the car on pure adrenaline alone), fat cat, angel... Ugh - so much! Some of the stuff even got smashed before there was too, so we stopped at Meijer on the way home for wood glue.

We also got Yousaf to sing, which was really cute. He, Kyle, and I all held hands in a triangle formation and belted out late 90s hits. Haha - we suck.

Didn't got home 'til after 7, and then we had to haul stuff up and find places for it. Some of it will need to be removed, so maybe we'll return it, which I think would be hilarious. "Dear Sir or Madam - we borrowed your Frisbee dog for several weeks... You may have him back now. Thank you for the inconvenience."

Anyway, it was a pretty fun night, but the thievary is getting excessive. I'm having conscience attacks (and fucked up, trippy rainbow dreams) because of it. I dunno - I should probably try to get a little more sleep, but I kind of have an insidious plan in mind (not stealing). Also I need to shower 'cause I'm a greaseball.