01/20/2006 - 2:12 a.m. | c b-lo

A NIGHT OF REGAL CINEMA WITH DANIEL KADOR!

Two films were viewed this evening that changed my life as a moviegoer - fuck it, as a man! After finishing with Shelly the returning of duplicate duplicate presents (and finally proving for once and all that throwing away nothing is in fact as advantageous as anything can be - I somehow managed to have the receipts for the presents I wrapped for Kyle for Shelly over a month ago), I went over to Dank's to watch some student-made D&D-based comedy/adventure film. THE GAMERS Chronicling the lives of five D&D gamers and their in-game personas, the thing was chock full of humor about the quirks of the game. The type of jokes only D&D nerds would get. Except possibly for the biggest joke of all - that we understand this humor and, as such, our lives are wasted. GOOD ONE The film was shitty, of course, but far less shitty than I would have expected. I mean, yeah, the acting was terrible, and the Klempner energy ball was pretty stupid, but they actually had costumes and weapons and extras and had somehow managed to locate a castle or some shit in their vicinity. That is dedication, my friends.

Second film you might have actually heard about. Wizard People, Dear Readers is less a movie and more an underground commentary track to the first Harry Potter film. This weirdass comic book guy made it on his own time, and it is so surreal and long-winded and hilarious. I mean, the movie is three plus hours to begin with, and now all we have is this guy with this ridiculous voice and these peculiar old fashioned patterns of speech, alternately swearing, making fun of how ugly and fat people are, and extolling the virtues of Harry as if he were some sort of demigod. He's so melodramatic and foul-mouthed and flowery, but all in the role of this weird little narrator. It's very polarizing material, though, and I'm sure 9 of 10 people probably would hate it. Hell, I almost didn't like it, but I love it all the same. He messes up most names and details, for instance, calling Filch "Dazzler," making Snape a woman, or nicknaming Ron Weasley "Ronnie the Effin' Bear." The way he spoke the latter, I thought I was missing some big pop culture reference. Turns out Ronnie the Bear is a retired Beanie Baby. Or how he constantly refers to Voldemort as "a dracula" (as in, "What the Christ? They are too late, their unicorn has already fallen under the hand of some dracula," or "Your dada's a dracula.") Just the strangest shit you ever heard of, the sort of project I wish I could get famous for. We need to have viewing parties. Except they will probably be just me and Dank.