12/22/2005 - 5:15 a.m. | how sleazy it is messing with these guys

Somebody (Vinny probably) sent me a goddamn e-mail telling me to sign up for this facebook ripoff thing called xuqa (zoo-kwah??), which I did, and which I have not made a single friend on, despite my usual oh-so charming profile and picture. Anyway, I mostly forgot about the damn thing until I got an e-mail the other day telling me I had received a scrap (what I assume to be their hip term for a message) from some chick from Queens College named Jessi Burgos. OK, random, but when I saw her picture, I must admit I was pleased because she was really rather pretty (in a nice, normal way), and it is not often that pretty girls come out of the blue to talk to me. So I read her message:

"hey wassup. how are ya? just wanted to stop by n say hi :] new here and gettin too much unwanted attention from specific guys. but u seem cool so i wanted toget to know ya. im actually on my cam too so if u wanna chat, msg me on there because this site runs too slow for me and keeps giving me errors :[ http://www.gwebmail.info/candy/kandys.html"

God damn it, just another fucking porn stupid goddamn fuck webcam site. Of course it is. It was the only explanation all along. Fuck me.

So, anyway, I go look at this fake girl's xuqa profile, and she's sent out this same message to a huge scattering of universities across the country. The thing is, it seems like she only sent one message to one person at each school. How was I, of all people, decided to be the most desperate person at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana? Of all the FOBs and computer nerds and emo fags, what made me shine from the rest as the one person most likely to go to this damn girl's fakey webcame site and probably throw down 20 bucks in the hopes of forming some sort of intimate relationship (and maybe more *wink*) with her? What is it? Is it my picture? My profile? I mean, I'm a little weird looking, but not overtly ugly, certainly not the type that couldn't get a real girl on his own if he really wanted... And I'm sure while my profile has the requisite amount of emo / pseudo-intellectual smarmy sarcastic bullshit, it seems like there are much dumber dark abysses they could plunder for the Adult Access SitePasses or whatever...

Anyway, it has been on my mind a lot when I let it wander, and I really wish I had some sort of answer. I sent the girl a "scrap" back, "Why me, Jessi Burgos?" but have yet to have received a reply. For the time being, I have developed some sort of grandiose theory, something along the lines of being marked by God for mediocrity, which I think is pretty cute and ironic, so we'll sit on it.