09/05/2005 - 11:23 a.m. | he ain't supposed to be out on the floor with aee'body!

This morning I had a dream that Kelly Clarkson and I were acquaintances - acquaintances in that she wanted to do me, I think. She didn't really look like the normal Kelly Clarkson, though - she was hot with big boobs. She gave me this little photo album, and there were some pictures of her fellating her boyfriend. When I pointed this out, she said it must have been an accident and gave me a very pointed look, like, "Hello, I would probably suck your dick instead, as it is far grander than Mark Ruffalo's or whatever." As well and good as this all was, I had greater designs in mind, namely stealing these pictures and posting them on the internet for duchets. Unfortunately, she was not willing to relinquish (perhaps knowing my intentions), so hijinks were in the process. I do not entirely understand them, but Kelly Clarkson was baking cookies, and Shelly and I were in the other room throwing a makeshift batch of dough ourselves - because somehow switching our dough for hers directly led to the celebrity porn I so desperately needed for cash. Please give me any theories about how this could be.

Missy's farts smelled like Wendy's chicken nuggets this morning, and while they were horrendous, I do believe they are the reason I am heading to that particular dining establishment right now.