08/02/2005 - 11:55 a.m. | i am going to make it through this year, if it kills me

Maybe it's the fact I've been off my meds for about a week (not by choice, mind you - I was never feeling that good - but by economic need, followed by bureaucratic nonsense at the pharmacy, which I still haven't wedged myself all the way through), but I haven't felt this stressed in a long time. It's mostly centered around the Housing Authority job, but even my hobbies seem to be taking too much time that I don't even have to begin with. I'm three or four entries behind, I have all this gay D&D bullshit to do, e-mails to write, books to read, errands to run, and I feel like I haven't made any headway at all. And this place, Lord Almighty... I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle an office job after all. Maybe I'm being self-centered, but everyone else's job seems so easy. The inspector? She only has to do what I have listed for the day - no more, no less. And I'm sure that's all fairly robotic by this point, isn't it? Hell, I know I'm probably wrong, but it seems like everyone in this place only gives me work, and all I ever give them are completed things. It's like everyone passed the buck, and somehow they all end up on my desk in the morning. This is supposed to be a part-time job with a new, time-saving computer system, but I'm staying for longer and longer hours every day, and it feels like there are still millions of uncompleted tasks still piled up around me.

And as the year begins, it will only get worse, with classes and all that added work of that advertising one, and another two additional jobs to try and schedule in (Maybe I don't actually need the telemarketing, but it's my only available access to Brittany Seymour, and that is one game I must at least attempt), and I dunno, man... I'm hoping it's just the lack of pills right now, but I am feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted.

This could perhaps be ascertained from my new catchphrase (No, not "fair play," but that one is still in heavy rotation, I assure you): "I will burn this _____ down," inspired by an incident two weeks ago when the flunky at Wal-mart told me they were out of produce bags. "I will burn this Wal-mart down," I yelled at him, and we all had a good laugh. But now it's mostly, "I will burn this poor person's house down..." so I don't have to worry about your damn retarded inspection anyway.

It could be said that I'm just bringing this all on myself; I don't need four jobs or hobbies that require copious notes. I certainly did not need to invite Allison Helm to crash at our place the same week Missy would be staying. Maybe I'm just asking for trouble, maybe I hate it when things are calm and happy.

And, oh look, the phone is ringing. I need to go.