07/22/2005 - 12:54 p.m. | "Nate vs Gin" / The Gin won this round.

I hesitate to call what I'm feeling a hangover, as it's not really the headache or the nausea or anything... It's more like... my stomach... trying to digest itself. Arrrggh.

Anyway, as you can probably guess, I am not up for work today. I'm not up for much of anything, unless it's lying in the fetal position and moaning.

I used to think the pills made me incapable of intoxication, but clearly that was a stupid pipedream. The problem typically is that I can't stomach enough of whatever to actualy get myself good and heady. Gin has surmounted that little issue. If my hazy recollections are worth anything at all, I had at least three big fat Tom Collinses last night, and I do not make them tender, friends. I like to get kicked hard in the sac with juniper berries.

The occasion - yes, there was one - was the end of Kyle and Spritz's rapid fire twin semesters of Spanish at Parkland. I guess they invited everyone over in their class over ("Vamos a tener una fiesta"), mostly for an acceptable excuse to get blitzed on a Thursday evening.

Turnout was not great. Granted, Hurricane Jeff or whatever was hovering above us, the skies that scary yellow, so it was pouring and windy and slightly scary, but still. Only Nigel (Don't be misled; I do not know him, but I almost certainly said "Crikey!!!" every time I spotted him and his WHOOSH hairstyle) appeared from the class, bringing with him two girls: Emily, the big one in white, who like all fat people defends herself with the exact same weak sarcasm (Example: I was drunkenly mumbling something, stuttering too probably, and she goes, "...and you're done." I felt like I've been told that by a thousand other fatties in a thousand other situations) and Sarah, the maybe attractive one in black, but I would not trust my eyes at that exact moment. They had Starbucks with them, which never ceased to amaze me. "Did you walk all the way across campus to get that?" I no doubt asked them a hundred times, adding that we had some generic Kahlua they could put in it probably another hundred more. Yeah, I was repeat myself drunk.

I was a lot of things drunk actually. I made Shelly run out in the rain with me and spin around with our arms out, Cuba Gooding style. I used some WD-40 and a lighter to melt a water bottle. I used my extensive logic of the shock lighter to pass lightning bolts through Andy, until somewhat of a battle had evolved where he was firing bottle rockets indoors, and I was praying for a quick death. Hmmm... Kitty was there, and as she is wont to do when I am around and trashed, she kept forcing me to strip. There's no reason I had to listen to her, but then, there's no reason I didn't either. So I was shirtless and/or pantsless for most of the evening - except, of course, when I put on Shelly's little green bohemian thing and pranced around in that. And they got some permanent markers from somewhere and scrawled all over me. Jason Kahn was there, and my boss from the cookie place. I just had to convince him to let me keep my job the other day - I wonder if this helped or hurt. Big Boobs kept telling me to put my clothes back on, and I was very tempted to say something along the lines of, "You weren't like that when you wanted me to fuck you so bad!" but I think that is one of those things that has to remain taboo. Speaking of which, they played Taboo. I played for both teams, which I kept giggling about. And I was very, very loud. Oh, Nate Walsh. You insufferable drunk.

michelleawetzler: i have pictures of you flirting with big boobs in the kitchen
michelleawetzler: you are only wearing boxers.
mrk r azy11: I wasn't flirting!
mrk r azy11: I was speaking with her, and I happened to not have clothes on
michelleawetzler: well it looks like it
michelleawetzler: well there was skin to skin contact
michelleawetzler: that's enough to be incriminating
mrk r azy11: No, I probably couldn't stand alone without support

I was drowning my sorrows, all right? See, the kindly folk here at the Housing Authority have still not deemed it fit to pay me any for the mindless grunt work I have been doing them so far. (I guess then, technically, my not working is sort of like being on strike. Am I right? Come on, am I right?) I thought I had enough to survive for a while, but three weeks and that trip to Chicago really took it out of me, such that I was getting notices from the bank about negative dollars and how they had to spot me for shit. "Aw, thanks, Busey Bank! You're the best!" "You owe us 25 dollars now." Fuck. The only reason I didn't spiral further into this hole was that Kyle and Shelly gave me checks for their share of the bills, but of course I didn't have mine and Spritz's shares, and the phone calls and threatening letters were getting more frequent. "We WILL shut your water off, you filthy slut!" Worse still, however, is that Missy's birthday is today, the 22nd, and there is no possible way I can visit her at all. I had my parents front me some money to get our shit turned back on, but I can't afford another hundred bucks and presents and shit... So of course she's all mopey and bitter, all "You're not allowed to have fun this weekend," and everyone will think I'm a shit, but what am I supposed to do? The funny thing is, though, that once I do get paid, I will be fucking loaded. I make about $150 a week here, and it's been four weeks now. Plus that extra check is coming eventually, so there's another 150. So, I'll be great as soon as I get it, but right now I am in total agony.

Shelly just posted pictures from that evening. I do not remember posing for half of these. Boy, do I look happy, though!

Unfortunately, however, there's no way I washed those thick stripes someone drew on the back of my neck. I only learned of them now, but I'm sure the rest of America has been yukking it up. And who wrote of erectile dysfunction on my chest!

I have little else to write about. Oh - except Kyle and I raided a dumpster at Altgeld and stole about 150 old math textbooks. Kyle plans to sell them on eBay (He somehow assumes there is a market there for them), but I'm pretty sure they are going to sit around in his trunk and force him to drag everytime he goes up or down an incline.