05/31/2005 - 12:24 a.m. | god left us here

What will his new game be? It will cost $20. Yes, but what? For 24 hours, if I pay that fee, I will get unlimited access to intelius' person search. I need time to prepare, though. Once I drop the dough, I'll only have a day to get as many phone numbers and addresses as possible. Rhett Miller is on there, though (as Stewart Ransom Miller). So are Zach Braff and Avril Lavigne Ben Folds and Kara Wilken (the one girl I liked from the candy store). So am I, for that matter. What's that shit say about me? Well, besides the fact that it thinks I am 24? Anyway, once I am ready, the game will be set. You think it's fun using internet relay chat to call our asshole friends? Wait 'til my ass is pestering Paris Hilton live about how I want to beat her with a shovel. Suggestions necessary.

Happy Memorial Day! What did you remember today, guys? Did you remember to watch all 24 episodes - all TWELVE HOURS - of "That's So Raven / This is a Marathon?" Yeah, I thought not! We did, though, and my brain still fucking aches. Perhaps this is aided by the fact that we started our drinking the same time we started our watching - at 11 this morning. I've been eating all day to try and stay afloat, but I woke up sick, so I don't imagine I'll go to bed any different. The whole day was spent crammed on the loveseat - while Spritz sprawled across most of the couch, the sick bastard - (Shelly adding to our pain on and off again) Kyle and I making more or less nonstop lewd comments about Chelsea and her sweet tits. The most surprising thing, though, was how very few of those episodes I had actually seen. I expected to be mired in reruns, but it was the exact opposite. I had to wait 8 damn hours before I finally saw one episode I knew well enough so's that I could drunkenly peddle my bike to the China Garden and pick up our mediocre food. There's an adventure - the drunken lack of equilibrium only aided by the 20 pounds of food hanging from one arm as the bike swerves where ever it so chooses. So many damn misunderstandings and little Lucy escapades. OH NO THEY CRAWLIN IN THE ICED CREAM DEVICE So many weird guest stars - two Carls (Carl Winslow from "Family Matters," Uncle Carl from "The Fresh Prince), Susan Lucci (her joke being lost on millions and millions of Disney Channel whores), Cyndi Lauper, Paula Abdul. So much of Raven's wide ass. It is a day I will never forget. And can only hope to.