02/05/2005 - 5:26 p.m. | mia=bulimia, ana=anorexia

I found this note for myself this morning:

"Deceptive Little Penguin!!! I checked your label when I came home, and you are in fact 13.5% alcohol by volume. Rather than the typical 12.5% you usually find. This makes you the Icehouse of wines. I ran some calculations, and that means there is an extra 7.5 ML of alcohol in my body. Perhaps this would explain why I am so gone."

Yeah, that extra half shot must have really done the trick.

I had all sorts of plans for today. Like, I was gonna finally take back 28 Days Later, so I wouldn't have to hear any jokes about it from the video store when they call. "We have an idea when you might bring it back heh heh heh" Cretins. Anyway, yeah, stuff was going to be done, but today was apparently the death of playstickit.com, so I had to spend hours tracking down all my stupid little pictures, uploading them somewhere new, and altering all entries containing pictures accordingly. The trials I suffer for you people!

Apparently, certain people hold my opinion in high regard [If I could make some sort of little laugh track button, I would request that you'd press it at this point. I would have a few other buttons, too. An "awww" button for sweet moments (Wouldn't be used often). A button for hooting whenever a sexy character appeared. An "ooooo" button for sweet insults. Actually, I pretty much just want the audience for "Married with Children" sitting behind you while you read], so that when I say mean things to them (which inevitably happens) and when they are drunk (also inevitable), it can make bad things happen. This is pretty far beyond my comprehension, but I'll try to learn from my mistake. I should not wield this much power.

IMSA parties last night, guys!! YONG CHEN! Yessss! They didn't even have to be fun, I was so far gone. See, we had to get real drunk right quick so that any incoming house guests would not make us would to pierce our eardrums. So I had tacos and wine until everything was funny. The best was running into Sage on some random porch while we checked car handles. LOL - an alarm went off on one, and we went tearing off into the night, giggling. And of course, Sarah Zhong about a half foot from me the whole time. We'll acknowledge one another's existence someday. No we won't. I was pretty much as gone as could be without puking on everyone, and I still wasn't about to try and talk to her. Isn't alcohol supposed to build confidence? I guess I don't really need it to, though.

What else is new? I've been actively inviting redheads to join my Facebook group "Redheads are Mutants & Should Probably Be Destroyed." For some reason been getting some flak for that. Had a dream the other night that I met Rhett Miller. After a concert, I waited for him to come out, singing. Apparently my voice impressed the hell out of him. We got a beer and went shopping for housewares. He bought something particularly useless. Melon baller or one of those crazy egg whisks you crank. We went back to his apartment, which was pretty decrepit and abandoned lookin, in the middle of the ghetto. He laid the beater in the middle of the floor in one of the rooms. He led me out to his balcony, at which point people on the other side of the lake started throwing shit at us from a bridge. Apparently they had some sort of arrangement. He told me to practice. I invited him back to Champaign but was soon consumed by jealousy (along with the rest of the males), for he seemed to be getting all the attention from the local chicks. Bitter, I rationalized that it was creepy that he was hitting on girls half his age. And married! I don't know why we had any chicks around us at all anyway. He stole one of our cars when he left.

Update about last night: Someone had a trombone for some reason, and I took that shit, and I played it. Chromatic scale - aw, yeah! Also, I took a pack of cigarettes from... somebody. Parliaments, which I apparently kept calling "P-Funks"? How in God's name did I make a George Clinton reference? I don't even like the fuck. Anyway, I was handing them out later, and some chick goes, "Hey, can I bum a cigarette off you?" I said, "You can bum THREE!" and giggled stupidly.