01/03/2005 - 6:43 p.m. | 5� coffee - taste great!

It's been such a damn long time since I last wrote, and I have all this good material saved up (including TWO stories about poop!!) and now there is nothing but time on my hands, but still I don't feel up for it. I dunno - I'm all out of sorts. In the back of my mind I barely realize I slept like 2.5 hours last night, and I have been feeling sort of ill since the drive back (and the Taffies... and the Dairy Queen shrimp basket someone ordered me today), and my normal trifecta of troubles has gone off and made a split-attack (Rather depressing one at that), and for the moment I'm stuck in this awful place where I can't do anything about anything. I want classes to start up, I want to have a job, I want to get problems solved - instead, I sit around coming up with errands and then doing my best to go through with them, just to feel the tiniest bit of accomplishment. I spread my branches far and wide, applying for jobs I'm not qualified for, ones I'm not even sure I'd like - removing drywall, working in a greenhose, typing card catalogue entries - and still no hits. It's depressing, and I'd like it to end. I continue to do my best to remove my mind from these things - writing like it could somehow amount to something, playing new games. I got a vampire game for Christmas, and someone very, very smart made the wise decision to also put zombies in it. Finally we will have an answer to the oft-debated question about what would happen if a zombie bit a vampire, and vice-versa. Shelly got an EyeToy for the Playstation, so we take turns swatting at the air like cretins in trippy, nonsensical universes. Flashbacks to "Nick Arcade" make my happy, even if I am just as inept as the kids on that program. And then my brain goes and tries to take a little peek with what I'm going to do with my future and yipe - it makes me shudder. Ducky is making a special visit back tonight, though, so hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow. Love you guys.