05/13/2004 - 2:31 a.m. | bop-ba... (this is the sound of settling)

So, one of my new ongoing activities is the passive-aggressive compliment. The idea is that passive-aggression, which usually gets a pretty bad rap, can actually be used for something nice and non-destructive. What I do is I carry about little bits of paper with me (and a pen... Bic, because all other pens are bullshit... or too expensive so's that I cry when I inevitably lose them) and whenever I see somebody nearby who isn't paying too much attention to me and who I notice has some sort of positive attribute, I write it down to let them know. Then, I try to place the little piece of paper with the compliment on it near enough to them that they might notice and read it. I also immediately get the fuck out of Dodge because I sure as hell don't want to be confronted about that shit. Anyway, maybe you'll find some malicious undertone here, but the idea I'm going for is that they will find this nice little mysterious pick-me-up, and they won't have to worry about strings attached, like how it's a cheesy come-on or phony or some shit like that, and then everyone can just smile. It's fun, and it adds the tiniest element of danger to my life!

Anyway, I've been doing it to a few people - mostly girls, I guess, but that's just because guys would probably think I was gay, which would mean that I thought they were gay, which might make them sad, which isn't my goal here. I did briefly think about leaving passive-aggressive insults, too, but those come way too easily, and besides, I'm trying to do a good deed here. The whole point is my relative anonymity, though, and I got seriously freaked out today that one of my marks had found me at the Buckle. Red shirt, kind of looks like Jena Malone, might have even done it today. And she seemed to maybe recognize me. Or the eye thing again. God bless paranoia in my favor. Seriously. I used to be so messed up. Now I am... still messed up, but I feel so much better for it! But yeah, I hid in the back and refolded shirts and tried to keep my face in shadow, which is of course impossible with the hundreds of lights throughout the store. I need a mask. THE Mask, even. Ssssssmokin'!!

Look at the title :( I really like a Death Cab song. Shit. They're totally a gateway band. Pretty soon, I'll be listening to Dashboard. Then Jets to Brazil or the Plain White T's. And God help me, if I get to Something Corporate, I'm calling it quits. And if I don't, you have my permission to do so for me. Thanks so much.