12/24/2003 - 11:21 p.m. | can i make it any more obvious?

I don't have the patience to undertake the twenty minute process it requires to get Farto the Modem here to sputter to life, so diary entries will be a tad rarer, I guess.

Yesterday, I woke up, did my final bit of tanning, packed and junk, and then still had more than a few hours to sit around reading and eating nasty Cheetos Puffs. Hangers are hardly a necessary evil when you just shove your clean clothes in a sack. Justin called at 2:30 and came to get me, but our departure was still a long way off. While he got his oil changed, we sat in the lobby and tried to bounce a bouncy pool ball into the toilet in the adjacent room. More difficult than it seems, and Speed Lube seems to boast a 7.5 minute oil change because we got out of there before we could conquer the challenge. We went to his Lisa's afterwards to help her move out. It's amazing all the stuff she has and how much of it we had to try and cram into the car. Less amazing is the fact the she lives four floors up (although it does have the obvious advantage of creating huge holes in the ground when you drop huge pink cement fire hydrants off the balcony... hypothetically). We got a soda from her fridge, and the absolute worst smell I've ever encountered came out of it. And lingered. And LINGERED. And lingered even more. It was terrible!! Justin had told me that they had gone out for Indian food earlier in the day, so I was quick to blame it on him, but man - no human could produce that sort of a stink. Not even Spritz.

We left at around four and listened to Lisa's truly wicked mix CD for a good chunk of the way back. Justin asked which way we should take back. I suggested 47, but he accidentally drove by the exit. Crucial mistake. Turns out 74 bottlenecked to one lane eventually, and we got caught in traffic for about an hour trying to make it through. Fortunately, we eventually passed the car with the novelty license plate "BANGSN" (as in, "I love bangsin' the chicks after I gives them the roofies") and had two different versions of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" to listen to. As soon as we made it through the harrowing narrowing, things immediately sped up. We were hungry by this point, though, so we stopped in an El Paso Hardee's. Joy. I have this weird habit of having people talk to me about whatever. Perhaps because I am so loud. Not because I am cute. We found a purse, and I wanted to take the valuable pills inside, but honorable Justin made me turn it in. Arrived home several hours later after Justin did not voice his CD choices so I just picked stuff I could sing horribly along with. And ate ice cream. Watched some parts of movies with my parents, slept. Yay 23rd.

Woke up sort of early today to try and beat the crowds or whatever. On the road by ten, albeit without tape adapter for Kyle's Discman, entirely defeating the purpose. Luckily, the radio wasn't too, too ass today, and I could occasionally turn it off and sing "Disease" for a break. Then again, they did play my least favorite Christmas carol of all time, the one that is most likely to inspire to kill: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." I swear, that song is designed to be annoying. The horns and the chorus and man! Everything! Second place (which I also heard) goes to "Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride" or whatever. Your voice is like poison to my brain. Please stop.

Really it wasn't all that nuts today. I stopped at my grandparents' (hat again) and talked to them for half an hour - see? not that big of an asshole - before facing the crowds or whatever. I've seen much worse, though. It just seemed like a normal day at the Champaign mall in comparison. Anyway, I hit Target and K-mart (the latter on my grandpa's advice - he kept extolling its virtues so I felt nearly obligated to go) and the mall and kept pretty organized. Made it home by three. Why does no one look or smile at me? I'm really, really trying to be friendly and cute and nice - not just to girls but to freaking everybody - and they all just avoid me or look pissed. Am I so nasty or unnerving? I hope not. :( I want 2 B A QT. Actually, I sort of liked being out with all the last minute shoppers. These are my type of people! I think the day was summed up best by the scraggly guy in Hallmark with the camoflauge jacket attempting to buy a Precious Moments figurine. "Fuck, I dunno what she wants," he thinks. "I bet she'll think one of these little bastards is cute, though." Meanwhile, the clueless salesperson goes, "Do you want any others?" like he's the bone collector or something. Merry Christmas, you guys. I felt very much like Spritz when I stopped at the Buckle and bought myself a pair of $60 jeans to wear tomorrow. Here is my logic, though. My mom told me to go buy some decent pants and said I could even go to the Buckle. When I noted how expensive the Buckle is, she assured me that I would be reimburced. Hence, no guilt. Right? They are really cute, though. Cute enough for me to be talking about fucking tan jeans, I guess.

Back home to hurriedly wrap. I have the unique gift of making roughly 5/6 of a wrapped package look excellent and the sixth total shit. Errand Boy departs for a while, returns, watches It's a Wonderful Life. Normally, I'm not a big fan of the holiday movies either, but this one is an exception. There are so many little elements to it that make it kick ass. Like how they just start opening fire on George in his little parallel universe. And the guy who a) completely despises George for no known reason and b) has infinite knowledge and access to resources (e.g. the key that opens the gym floor over the pool). My theory is that he is Satan making a brief cameo, but that's just me. Speaking of the devil, Mr. Potter is the most evilest man alive and should be beaten.

For dinner, we had seafood fondue with champagne and angel food cake (with apricot applesauce) for dessert. It makes me so happy that we don't follow some sort of lame, half-assed tradition. Christmas ham? Yeah, eat a dick. I'd much rather have some interesting that I like.

After dinner, we opened our presents. Mom felt guilty, I guess, that I wouldn't be able to open anything, so they still got me some stuff - CDs and a good book about vampires. Too nice parents. Perhaps I am spoiled. I tried to get them good things, too, though. Got my dad a new coffee maker, some coffee, and a CD I hope he doesn't hate. My mom a scarf and a bunch of fancy foot things. I did try... Ooh! Incidentally, my mom managed to find some of the super-rare candy cane Tootsie Roll Pops. I know you're not impressed, but as one who has long searched for them, I'm quite please. Digressing further, what's with those stupid little tiny Tootsie Roll Pops I see around now? What purpose does shrinking them serve? And if it's to make them a better size for stupid girls to suck on them to try and look all sessy, I'm gonna start cracking skulls. I'm at the end of my tether regarding some stuff.

After we finished, we played the longest game of Trivial Pursuit ever. Mom and I were on a team, and we were actually doing very well. We got 6 pie pieces really fast, but then we had a hell of a time landing on the center, let alone answering the question right. This allowed Dad ample time to catch up and eventually win. Still, I felt a lot more useful this time around. My random guessing, IMDB/Vh1 knowledge, and little regard for anything useful finally come in handy.

It's still pretty early, but I've got little to do, so bed might be my best option. The connection seems to get pissed off whenever I try and - God forbid - use the internet, so my options are limited. Anyway, good night. Merry Christmas.