10/15/2002 - 11:03 a.m. | dan-fucking-ville

What's the king of all towns? DAN-fucking-VILLE!

God, I'm stupid. Went on another adventure with Kyle last night to Danville. I wasn't even really all that up for it, but come on! Danville! Something about that place just draws us close. It's our own sprawling metropolis. Plus it's name is just fucking stupid.

I dunno - the flow of the journey was a little disrupted from previous Kyle & Nate adventures, which might have been what threw me off. Like usual on these nights, Dank and Lisa went to bed at around 12:30, and I wasn't all that sleepy, so I went to talk to Kyle and Spritz. Unfortunately, the evening didn't evolve in the same way. Normally, Kyle and I usually shoot the shit until around 3 when all of a sudden our ideas get brilliant. Tonight, though, things were a little more premeditated. We looked at maps, we wrote down directions (we were gonna find the elusive 24 hour Arby's that Matt Maly claimed to have been to), we brought Will and a crowbar (they like to steal street signs - I was mostly in it for the Danville). Also, we drank caffeine. That was dumb.

Normally on these trips, we're powered by our own sense of purpose. Something about having to pull yourself through is sort of holy. I dunno - plus I really don't like caffeine very much anymore. Like, I'm not totally against it (as I was after a certain especially retarded caffeinated adventure), but it stretches you thin, you know? Like bread rolled out too flat. Like a big chemical hand that forces your eyes eye. Enough with the metaphors. We each had coffee with milk, white chocolate, and a shot of Will's caffeine syrup. I probably could've done without it. So could they, for as Will had warned us, it causes psychosis.

Anyway, we drove to Danville (louder than usual, even for us) and found the other Arby's. Also closed. So Steak and Shake again. My spicy chicken samich was shit, but it's not about hunger; it's about preventing the caffeine from punching a hole through your stomach.

Normally, Kyle and I discover our purpose on a particular mission like halfway through it. This time, though, we had a goal: Steal street signs. Ok, I'm not really for or against this. Well, maybe sort of against it, but it's only screwing the government.... ANARCHY!!! Anyway, it was tolerable. So, we (they) were looking around for "Highland Drive" (hardee har), and sharp-eyed youth that I am, point out this little suit of armor guy on some Danville suburbanites' porch. Mistake. So, they decide to steal it. Will is marauder, Kyle is getaway man, and I am moral objector. Stealing from the government is one thing, but stealing someone's cute little knight is kind of sick! "They're gonna cry!" I said. Kyle replied, "Not 'til TOMORROW!" And since I am a terrible person and an even worse debator, we ended up with the knight, who we call Lord Stonington ('cause it was near that street that we found it).

We continued to drive through the suburbs and look for stuff. Got one of those big tacky glass orbs that sit on pillars and by fate alone, we stumbled upon Highland Shore Drive (which Will promptly broke the sign to), and got freaked out by more than a couple cops (also some guys in a pimpmobile). We missed plenty of opportunities: fake deer, "ROAD ENDS MILES AHEAD," kids making out (possibly), but there's always next week.

On the drive home, we listened to Afroman's "I Got High" and added "land Shore Drive" to the end beause we're so cool. In the process, Kyle managed to leap onto a traffic island, completely rocking his little Nissan. We made it home OK, though - even without the speakers.

I was in bed by 6:45, and I had class at 10. I can't justify any of this, but it was pretty damn amusing. And this is a very long entry, so piece out and all.