06/14/2003 - 8:41 p.m. | re: fish & vacation

Yeah, we didn't think the fish had a chance, but both Cute and EAT (both named by Lisa, by the way) made it the nine days (this is the story of a girl!!!) we were gone.

See, the plan was that we were gonna leave early. Really early. Unfortunately, not all of us knew the plan. Namely, my dad and me. So, I left work at about 4 (I don't remember what CDs I listened to, or rather, I don't care, but I do remember I made completely shit money because I wound tomato pens all day), which in typical Nate-is-so-sneaky fashion, required me not telling anyone and fleeing when no one was around. This proved rather difficult, as Harve seems to know a lot about Savannah and kept coming over and talking to me ("VISIT THE 8TH AIR FORCE MUSEUM!" "Yes."). But, I had a foolproof backup plan: Play the senility card. "Well, yeah, I'm leaving early! I told you I was on Monday!" "Uh, you did?" "Yep." "Uh... Oh yeah... You did........ I remember." That's the plan for Monday if I am hassled, but they will more than likely have forgotten because of the, you know, senility. ANYWAY, drove to Wal-mart to and wait in line with a bunch of cretins to learn that no, my medicine wasn't in yet. Super. Now I will be zitface over vacation. (First bit of flawed communication: My dad had actually already gone to Wal-mart that day to check for me. I wasn't informed). So, 4:30 or so, I get in my car, start it up, and head out on my way. Now, my car has this little... quirk wherein the brakes don't exactly... work for the first 15 seconds or so that the car is on. Then the car makes a couple of *DOONK DOONK* noises (ignore them), and the brakes kick in. The thing is, they never came on this time. So, I had virtually no way to stop my 2 ton rolling death machine. Uh-oh. Seeing this as some sort of problem, I decided to coast around and find a payphone (turning sharply multiple times when I needed to stop). Finally found one at the movie theatre (need cell phone now ok), called home. No one there. Fuck. Leave a message and try again and again. Mom picks up, swearing. Oh, this is a good sign. She's pissed off because I'm not home! WHAT!?! Apparently, punctuality is more important than survival. Also, as part of our main communication, we weren't trying to leave by 5; we were trying to leave by 3. She even got off work early for it and had been pacing around ever since. Again, I wasn't informed. So, I coast home and swear at pretty much everything, as I am liable to do when I am tense. Oh yes, and it was raining. And I was behind an RV. Fuck fuck fuck.

Arrived home, and the situation is tense. Mom is a driving force. "You have five minutes to get your stuff together." This is why the fish should have died. Had I time, I would have packed them in cute little Tupperware containers and brought them along. As it was, I tossed in a bigass handful of food and yelled, "Good luck, guys!" Through everything together haphazardly and then got in the car with Mom while Dad followed in my shitheap. We dropped it off at the shop in Serena and were finally on our way. 5:45. Then I realizied I had left my meds in my car. :| Not wanting to be both zit-faced and depressed, we turned around. 6 o'clock, on the way. The drive to our first hotel in Louisville was 6 hours away - and let's not forget time zones. So, yes - the first bit was pretty tense, but by the time we made it to Kentucky, we were all pretty punchy and amused. We made a brief stop in Champaign to grab food; everytime we pass by there, I get so nostalgic. Stupid loneliness.

Red Rood Inn was on par with the Motel 6 room Kyle and I got. Actually, they were remarkably similar. Parents dropped off pretty immediately, but of course I had to watch The Terminator on TV until God knows when. "Come with me if you want to live." Tell me, why would the robots give their perfect infiltration machine a thick Austrian accent? "AHM UH FREND UHV SAHRAH CAHNAH" Stupid robots.

Woke up pretty early the next day for the long drive to Savannah. Apparently, parents still don't trust me to drive with them (the tension, you see) because I didn't for the entire trip. For some parts of this (e.g. down a mountain in the pouring rain), that's fine, but I can handle the Midwest hardcore. Krispy Kremes are fuel for life, and WALSHES pack too much. Waaaay too much. I couldn't put my feet down in the backseat. Somewhere along the line, I bought another Pokemon game. Fucking nerd. My parents wrote thank you cards. If you didn't get one, buy them a present next time. Asshole.

Trucks are cool. We saw one coming down the mountain on fire with a big trail of smoke and flames shooting out the top. Driver was ignoring it, I think. "Just a little more smoke on the old Smoky Mountains! Doo doo doo" This is one insane ass entry. And then one had flipped over somewhere in North Carolina and there were all of these bundles of string everywhere and traffic was backed up for 12 miles! They weren't moving at all, and they had no idea it was because of the fucking String Express. My dad thought it would be best if they just gave everyone a free bundle of string that went by. They're prolly still waiting :(

Heaven on earth = "As Seen on TV" outlet. No other store need exist. Although they lacked Q-Rays, and I need my fucking IONS straightened out.

10 hours later, we arrived in Savannah. It smelled funny. But was beautiful. Like so many of you.

....

I will try to summarize more.

Time in Savannah was spent eating, walking, watching bad movies, sleeping (not particularly well, despite the excellent hotel room - I am jumpy). Yeah, that's pretty much it. The town is gorgeous, as I have mentioned again and again, and I will continue to do so. Plants and architecture were awesome, and I tend to not even care about that stuff normally. Sunday was spent mostly in the rain, but I think I preferred it that way. Warm rain is so nice. Reread Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil so that I can be just another tourist, thank you very much. Went on book tour with old lady who was terribly uncharismatic; she has inspired me to become a tour guide and show her ass up! Had best shrimp and waffles (from different places), sat on the beach, got wretched sunburn (and not the least bit tanner). GHOST DAD. Cute stores (one devoted solely to KITES!!) and lots of friendly people. Too much ice cream, even though there is no such thing. Terrible allergy headaches, but so worth it. I love the ocean. I always forget because I only remember having my shirt off and being a disgusting skinny monster, but the ocean is just great. I can float forever and skip sand dollars, which appears to be my main skill. I can also totally blend in as a Savannanite if I walk fast and looked pissed off (two of my other skills). Bought a Hello Kitty lunchbox, which I was allowed to fill with candy, then ate it all. Man, I think I did pretty much cover everything. I will add if not. Ha.

On Tuesday, drove to Hilton Head (not far from Savannah) and hung out on the beach all day and then watched some terrible, terrible movie on HBO (still awaiting info on that). Had little cute appetizers (and shitty flavored sugar drinks) for dinner and perfected an awesome yo-yo trick (by the way, got super expensive yo-yo. Fucking nerd). Sun burn worse than ever but so what? Only die once, and it might as well be from skin cancer. Took a walk alone because I am an angsty bastard like that. Stood by the ocean and let the tide wash over my feet, the moonlight falling on me. I like pretty things, and I am terribly good at entertaining myself and no one else. Indeed. And mopey.

Wednesday, back on the beach (DOLPHINS!!! Right were I had been swimming 5 minutes earlier! I smell like dead fish!) for a bit, and then off to Greenville, SC to visit my dad's brother and all of his family. All of his family being my aunt and their three daughters, who are tiny balls of pure energy and noise who happen to have a love-hate relationship with me. They cannot be controlled; you can only hope to survive. I have watched so much Disney Channel lately; I could almost be sick of it - but I'm not!! Even Stevens Movie! Dave Coulier! The hack! Bedtime is the the most peaceful time and also the hardest to attain. Went to downtown Greenville for my first chai in a long time (actually, I have a mix Lisa gave to me forever ago that I might make should I ever finish this). We visited a big house - actually, the biggest house, apparently. In America. Or some distinction. Biltmore (Motto: "We Biltmore than you!") is huge and opulent, so I can appreciate it for that and all the work that went into it, but I like bright colors too much to ever really envy such a place. I like cute, cozy rooms. Not that garbage. Everyone went to a wine tasting, but I was not allowed to join in because wine is so gross. I think that was the reason. Ate lots of good food and slept on an air mattress. Even I am getting bored now.

Woke up at 6:30 this morning, let relatives at 7, arrived back here at 6:15. That's pretty damn good. Stopped thrice - gas and pee, food and pee, gas and poop. Mom drove the majority because she had some crazy goal in mind. I navigated... because I am so cool. The radio sucks everywhere, I've decided. Now we are home and the fish are still alive. I know I am amazed. And will be shutting up shortly. Matt just sent me another random picture.

Jokes are hilarious. For instance, Lisa also addresses her postcards to me with "MRS. Nathan Walsh" because I am so feminine (and married), and I always address hers to "Ms. Lisa Yung" because she is a spiteful lesbian. We are so funny!

Shut up, Nate. We've heard enough.